'Hiya' in Filipino culture: Is it holding us back?
For many Filipinos, having a sense of hiya is seen as something that keeps them respectful, grounded, and mindful of others. However, it could also end up being the very thing that keeps them from speaking up, taking risks, or even recognizing their own worth.
In the 10th episode of PhilSTAR L!fe's Generations podcast, veteran journalist Luchi Cruz-Valdes, Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez, and content creator Raco Ruiz explored how this trait continues to shape Filipino behavior in both helpful and limiting ways.
Cruz-Valdes noted how being shy won't help one thrive in media. "Hindi ka pwede hihiya-hiya 'pag journalist ka, 'di ba? If anything, ang daming naaasar sa'kin kasi siguro ma-epal ako," she said. "That's what I keep myself from doing—parang I hold myself back, if anything."
Ruiz shared the same sentiments. "I think it also applies to me because as a content creator, kung mahihiya ka, it's not gonna take off. You have to be makapal mukha. You have to be ready that all your friends will call you cringe, but it's okay," he stressed. "If you don't put yourself out there and have too much hiya, ang hirap as a content creator or artist," he added.
Martinez similarly grew up confident and unafraid to express herself, but that eventually changed when she began being more active on social media. "When I had started putting myself out there and seeing how people would respond, parang I learned how to temper myself a bit. And now, I don't care anymore. It's like a little cycle," she said.
Is being shy holding us back?
Martinez observed that hiya culture remains prevalent among Filipinos as many are taught that they “shouldn’t stand out from everyone else in your community.”
"Parang all of you should have a sense of relative sameness. Kaya din siguro, 'pag nag-stand out ka, parang, 'Ay, mahiya ka naman,'" she said.
She also noted how a lot of people take it personally when you don't agree with what they say, lamenting how they're "very quick to identify and isolate people who don't share the same view."
Ruiz, meanwhile, pointed out that hiya in Pinoy culture possibly started to "keep the individualists at bay."
"If you're an individualist, you can rebel and you can overthrow the system. So what's the best way? Make people afraid of being individualists, teach them to conform, easy to follow," he said.
According to Cruz-Valdes, the sad thing about this culture is that many voices are left unheard, and those who want to share their feelings resort to jokes and memes to soften the blow of their opinions.
"Another downside of being too mahiyain is basically you're treated like a doormat, especially in negotiations. Sa panahon namin nun, we're not even supposed to ask, 'Magkano po ang sweldo ko?' Parang you're just waiting for the offer," she said.
"I couldn't get myself to negotiate face to face, so what I do is I'll just say, 'Okay, let me pray about it.' And then I go home, but I know already, 'No, I am not taking it,'" she continued.
How to deal with 'hiya'
Despite the downside of being shy, Martinez acknowledged that there are some merits to this personality trait.
"Since you are more agreeable, since you're not picking any fights, you're not stoking any fires, parang you get on the good side of as many people as possible, which is probably what other people are drawn to," she said.
Another good thing that comes from it is that it fosters empathy towards others.
"Okay lang 'yung hiya kapag empathy 'yung goal. I think a nice rule I could come up with is okay lang maging makapal 'yung mukha mo, pero be empathetic pa rin to people. Disagree, pero you don't have to fight. You can just say your point," Ruiz said.
For him, in order to have the right balance between expressing yourself and being respectful, you need to voice out your opinion while being considerate of the other person.
"We have the power to say opinions that can hurt so many people. If your opinion, which is in your mind, correct, but if it's gonna hurt so many people, huwag nalang," Ruiz said.
Cruz-Valdes agreed and pointed out the golden rule: "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."
"If you have to say something because it has to be said, then say it in the nicest possible way," she continued.
Watch the full episode below:
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