Should you discuss your salary with your significant other?

“Kapag mag-asawa na kayo, you’re building one life together. So importante na pareho kayong aware kung magkano ang pumapasok na pera, magkano ang expenses, ano ang mga financial responsibilities, at ano ang mga goals ninyo as a family,” she said.

This way, you’ll be able to plan for your future more easily, whether it’s buying a house, saving for your children’s education, preparing for emergencies, investing, among others.

“More importantly, sharing your salary builds trust. Ayoko ng relationship na may tinatago tungkol sa pera, because money can become a source of misunderstanding and conflict kapag hindi transparent.”

But this doesn't mean that you should let every peso be controlled by one person.

Pwede kayong magkaroon ng joint budget or shared responsibilities while still having a reasonable amount of personal money. The important thing is that both spouses know the financial reality and agree on how to handle it,” Angelica said.

Meanwhile, Alison (not her real name), who has been in a relationship with her beau for three years, offered a different perspective as someone who is not yet married.

"I think our salaries are highly confidential. They reflect the value we bring to our jobs, and they also reveal a lot about our personal financial situation," she said.

"Sharing that information with your significant other means trusting them with something very personal. And while you may fully trust each other now, relationships can change. If you eventually go your separate ways, that person would still have access to a very sensitive piece of information about you," she added.

Alison cautioned that if your partner doesn't have good intentions or doesn't respect your privacy, they could share it with others.

"Once that information is out there, you can’t really control how others perceive you, your finances, or even the value of your work," she said.

Keeping your salary also helps keep you from "unnecessary comparisons."

"It would be great if your partner is understanding and doesn’t feel insecure or hurt if you earn more than they do. But there are also people and partners who may start expecting you to shoulder more of the expenses simply because they know you have a higher salary," Alison said.

Should you share your salary with your significant other?

Relationship and life coach Alicia Serrano told PhilSTAR L!fe that couples should be transparent about how much they earn, especially once they are married or have started building a life together.

“Transparency about one's income promotes honesty, trust, and equality in a relationship," she said.

According to her, knowing each other’s income allows couples to make informed decisions about daily expenses, financial responsibilities, and long-term goals.

“In fact, monetary discussions should go beyond one's income and should include matters such as debt, hidden financial behaviors (e.g., gambling, undisclosed spending), and secret bank accounts,” she said.

Serrano added that a lack of transparency about these matters can be considered “financial infidelity,” which can lead to problems in the relationship.

Relationship coach Mezhal Ulao, meanwhile, believes that the level of financial transparency should depend on how serious the relationship is.

For married couples and long-term partners who are already building a life together, he said that “complete financial transparency is essential.”

"When you build a shared life, future, or home together, money is deeply intertwined with daily operations and long-term security. Hiding income creates blind spots, breeds mistrust, and complicates joint goal-setting," he said.

However, those who are still dating may not need to disclose their exact salaries right away, but that sharing financial values, spending habits, and general lifestyle expectations is still crucial.

“Ultimately, knowing what your partner earns helps build realistic expectations around shared expenses and lifestyle choices without forcing anyone into financial strain,” Ulao said.

How couples can talk about money 

Serrano said that the right time to talk about salary and finances is when a relationship starts becoming more serious.

“In my practice, I find that it's good to start talking about salary and finances when things start to get serious with your partner,” she said.

“Do you want to live with your partner? Are you building a life together with your partner? If the answer is yes to these questions, and you are already planning to make life decisions together, then you should already be talking about salary and finances,” she added.

Ulao similarly suggested that financial conversations should become more detailed as couples reach important milestones.

“The Golden Rule: Have these conversations before major milestones (like marriage or purchasing property) so you enter them as a unified team,” he said.

He recommended starting with conversations about financial values, spending habits, debt, and financial boundaries before getting into specific numbers.

"Before merging households or opening joint accounts, both partners should share their exact financial standings—including income, debts, and savings," he emphasized.

While knowing each other’s financial situation is important, both coaches stressed that couples should also be mindful of how they approach the conversation.

"Be transparent and understanding. Financial infidelity almost always leads to conflict, and some of these conflicts lead to couples splitting, so be open and transparent about money," Serrano said.

"At the same time, money can be a sensitive topic, especially among Filipinos, as it can often be seen as rude or intrusive. Because of this, it is important to be gentle and understanding when discussing monetary matters, as people should be when talking about any sensitive matter," she added.

Ulao, meanwhile, suggested setting aside a specific time to talk about finances instead of bringing up serious money matters during an argument or when either partner is stressed.

He also encouraged couples to focus on their shared goals by framing questions around shared dreams—such as traveling, buying a home, or retiring comfortably—rather than policing each other's spending.

"Establishing a budget that includes personal 'allowances' for individual spending also ensures both partners maintain a healthy sense of independence and autonomy," he said.

How to know if you can trust someone?

The topic of whether or not you should share your salary with your significant other was brought up in L!fe’s Generations podcast, where veteran journalist Luchi Cruz-Valdes and content creators Raco Ruiz and Abi Marquez talked about trust and betrayal.

During a discussion, Cruz-Valdes pointed out that finances is one kind of personal information you should be careful about sharing with others.

“You don't reveal these things to just anyone, right? Even to your friends. You don't even say how much you're worth. ‘Di ba? Kasi nakakatakot ‘yun eh,” she said.

Marquez shared that she doesn't discuss her finances even with her family, which she learned from her elder sister.

However, Cruz-Valdes then made an important distinction and highlighted the importance of sharing your financial information with your spouse.

Ruiz meanwhile offered a different perspective on when sharing financial information can be appropriate. For him, there are times when knowing how much someone earns can help protect people or ensure that they are being treated fairly in the workplace.

But how would you know the person is worth your trust? 

Cruz-Valdes admitted that you “really can’t judge” whether someone is trustworthy.

“It's hard to tell. But you will only know after some time, after you've worked with them. It doesn't help to jade yourself. You don't say, ‘This person seems trustworthy, so I'm not going to,” she said.

“All relationships are built slowly. You don't jump into a relationship and tell them everything in your heart and in your mind. Parang you get to know the person, and then as you get to know the person, you can gauge whether or not he's somebody that you can trust,” she added.

Ruiz, on the other hand, said his default approach is to not trust anyone right off the bat to protect himself.

“Everyone has [a] clean slate when I meet them, but they don't also have trust. [Trust] is something you earn gradually. And my mistake in my teen years—and even young adult years—is just giving away trust like it's candy to everyone,” he said.

Watch the full episode below:

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