Are you an ageist?
Call me sensitive. It has never occurred to me that I was beginning to get older a few years ago, because I never felt I was. But then, I started noticing small things—gestures, looks, comments towards me. First, it was the ubiquitous “po.” My colleagues at work were answering me with “po” at the end of each sentence, even after every greeting. “Good morning, po!” I would even ask them “What’s up with the ‘po’?” “Po” is a wonderful and respectful Pinoy way to address an elder. But was I that elder? No, I couldn’t be!
Then there was the way I was called. I didn’t mind being addressed as Miss Monique by my younger staff or officemates. Outsiders would call me Mrs. Toda. In my mind, Mrs. Toda is an older, more sophisticated, refined lady, and not casual and carefree me. However, it was all right. Nowadays, I notice people in the service industry calling me madame. I am so bothered.
I stare at myself in the mirror and I honestly think I look young. My friends, former classmates, and people in my generation always complement each other. It’s like a mutual admiration club. Does this contribute to my illusion of youth? Are the retouched photos on social media giving me face and body dysmorphia? Whatever happened to my being a hot young thing? Am I emanating madame vibes? Am I now (gulp!) “formerly hot”?
Remember the song in the musical Avenue Q claiming “everyone is a little bit racist”? My question is, is everyone a little bit ageist? From firsthand experience, this is true, especially in the workplace. I remember getting snide or patronizing remarks about being older. I guess it was meant to be funny, but like I said, yeah, I’m sensitive. The constant ageist remarks were not only targeted at me but all other older colleagues. Then there are the back-handed compliments: “You don’t look like your age at all!” and the like. Why can’t people just say, “You look great!” and not throw age into the sentence? Once, I found myself bitchily replying to someone who indirectly said I was old: “At least I look like this. Why do you look like that, eh? You’re young diba?”
We all age. It’s something I honestly struggle with. I want to grow old with grace, but I need to ease into it. Maybe a change in attitude, a different frame of mind, and a little less ageism will help.
I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. It’s petty. Besides, older people have what the young ones don’t have, and that is experience. Experience brings about wisdom (well, most of the time). However, within a young workforce, this is sometimes overlooked. Work culture is a small reflection of the bigger cultural landscape. Yes, older folks are respected, but in some sectors, it can be seen as a setback.
I have friends who get annoyed when people, not even a decade younger, call them tita. There is no tried and tested rule here. Technically, your tita is your aunt, a relative who is a sibling or cousin to your parents. There is, however, showing respect. You call someone older, like a friend’s mother, tita. If you address them by their first names, it might be seen as disrespectful. Someone told me, “Why is this girl calling me tita when she has more gray hair than me?” Women are sensitive about this, so it’s best that you make sure the person you call tita is comfortable with it.
I am glad that the “forever young” beauty standard is being questioned. My mom used to tell me that “youth is beauty.” In a way it’s true, but a face that shows a life well-lived is also beautiful. Take 106-year-old Apo Whang-Od who was the groundbreaking cover model of Vogue Philippines as a perfect example. I love former supermodel Paulina Porizkova, who advocates for mature beauty, too. She is such an inspiration and makes me believe that no one is too old to be sexy. Madonna is very vocal against ageism as well. Other celebrities who have also spoken out against ageism are Helen Mirren, Heidi Klum, and Jennifer Aniston. Women of a certain age are fighting back, and rightfully so.
We all age. It’s something I honestly struggle with. I want to grow old with grace, but I need to ease into it. Maybe a change in attitude, a different frame of mind, and a little less ageism will help.