Mom's dating era: Single moms open up about dating, stigma, and second chances
Dating again as a single mom comes with a different rhythm—you're not just thinking about chemistry and chance encounters, but also schedules, responsibilities, and most of all, your kids. Yet amid the realities of parenting, many moms continue to make space for love and second chances.
Alma Bella Dalida lost her partner over a decade ago due to a disease. She felt scared when she decided to enter the dating scene again.
"[May] anak na ako na need isaalang-alang ang kaniyang emotion, not like nung bata pa or solo pa, now mas maingat na kasi 'di mo alam kung paano at ano niya rin pakisamahan ang aking anak," she told PhilSTAR L!fe.
The 51-year-old mom shared how she initially struggled with guilt, especially during the early adjustment period.
"It [took] 2 years, but by God’s grace, through constant dealing and proper communication on both sides, we overcame it. Ang guilt ay napalitan na ng [confidence]," she added.
'Deeper sense of intention'
For Arianne, a 34-year-old single mom in marketing, motherhood became an added "filter" on how she approaches the dating scene.
"[Personally,] it just comes with a deeper sense of intention. So you naturally become more mindful of who you allow into your life because it's really no longer just about chemistry, but also emotional maturity, consistency, and alignment of values," she said.
"It's not much different because the pool is the same, but in a way, it becomes an added filter. So you learn to date with a little bit more clarity and less tolerance for mind games and superficial relationships," she added.
While she noted that people have their preferences, she said that the right guy "won't see motherhood as baggage, but a part of what makes you strong, loving, and capable of building a meaningful relationship."
Wattie Reyes, who had her marriage annulled, echoed this sentiment. After her separation in 1997, she focused on spending time with friends rather than dating. However, when she does go on dates, she doesn't keep marriage in mind, having learned from her past relationship.
"I had marriage proposals, siguro mga three marriage proposals. But in the end hindi rin [natuloy] so probably it was not meant to be. And now, if I think about it, maybe it is a lot better not to marry. Maybe to be a friend, but not to marry. I think it would be very difficult," she told L!fe.
The 64-year-old mom shared that one factor behind her decision not to remarry is her high expectations.
"I don't know how I would behave when I'm married to somebody now. And then, besides, you expect more. Since I had a not very good experience [with] marriage, now [let's] say if I'm going to look for somebody to marry, parang high level na. It's not basta-basta, so it's very hard," she added.
After the loss, Alma went on several dates before meeting her current partner of 10 years. But before everything was butterflies and rainbows, she struggled with balancing her time and dealing with discrimination.
"[Need] mo manimbang kung saan ka maglaan ng oras mo or priority mo," she shared.
Finding the right person is always the biggest challenge—regardless of whether you're a single mom or not—according to Arianne, who is currently in a happy long-distance relationship.
"There are times when you think that 'Oh, it's the right person,' and then eventually the true colors come out," she said. "You always have to think about your kid as well. Do they get along? It's a matter of balancing it out," she added.
Setting non-negotiables
Dating is no longer just about chemistry or attraction to these moms—it’s about finding someone who can respect the life they’ve already built.
Dalida shared that from the very beginning, she makes her priorities clear. “Nakilala mo ako na may obligation ako sa anak ko, not all the time sa'yo ako, may mga oras na mas need ako ng anak ko, so respetuhin dapat 'yon," she said. "Dapat love din ang anak ko. 'Pag 'di mo tanggap 'yon, wala na tayong dapat pang usapan," she added.
Wattie echoed this, stressing that acceptance of her children comes first, no exceptions, as well as maintaining her independence in the relationship.
"I cannot let the other person dictate what I have to do. [You] cannot let the other person dictate to you what they like, where they want to eat, what they have to eat, or what you have to wear. I cannot accept that. I have to be free in a way," she explained.
Compatibility goes deeper than shared interests for Arianne. Aligning with a person's values, religion, political beliefs, and how they treat other people matters, as kindness is a major indicator of character for her.
As a single mom, I have very high standards for who I date and again, who I allow into my life. Because again, it's no longer just about chemistry, but also emotional maturity, consistency, and alignment of values
Protecting self-worth
Dating as a single mom comes with dealing with judgment. Alma and Arianne noted how some people assume that it's “easy” and that moms are “desperate” for love when they choose to put themselves out there.
"I have very high standards for who I date and again, who I allow into my life," Arianne stressed.
They stressed that despite how intimidating the dating scene may be, their self-worth must be protected.
"Before, to be honest, I was longing to have somebody beside me. I was looking forward to that. I was looking for somebody. But now, no more. I have accepted [how] I am," Wattie added.
"You have to be your full self. You cannot find love elsewhere if you cannot love yourself fully," Arianne said. "Spend time with yourself before you start dating again. I discovered what I like, what I don't like, what I will tolerate, and what I cannot tolerate in relationships."
Single moms looking to date should be ready for rejection, Wattie noted. "They should be ready for what others would say and not give importance to it," Reyes said. "They have to be honest with the person they would like to date, and vice versa," she said.
Meanwhile, Alma encouraged single moms not to be afraid to find love and happiness again. "If you fail the first time, isipin mo, there is a second chance. May nakalaan si God na tamang tao para sa'yo,” she said. “But you need to be careful."
"All we want is a good and happy life. Minsan lang tayo dumaan dito sa mundo, basta piliin lang natin maging mabuting ina," she said.
