From juggling multiple roles to dealing with judgments, these moms share truths about solo parenting
Motherhood is often described as an incredible and rewarding experience, filled with milestones like a child's first steps, first words, and achievements. Yet, it's also true that unseen challenges exist, and these are particularly demanding for single mothers.
Single-handedly, these mothers manage the responsibilities of earning a living, raising their children, and maintaining the house, all while remembering to attend to their own well-being.
“Pag nanay ka talaga, multitasking. Kayang kaya siya gawin basta gusto mo, at alam mo yung dahilan na para sa kanila rin,” says Lyka Garcia, who has been a single mother for over a year.
Fulfilling both roles is ‘exhausting’ and ‘overwhelming’
As the only parent, single mothers must always show up in multiple roles. Jonah Leyson, a single mom of seven years, admitted that the process is “exhausting” and “overwhelming.”
“It's very challenging when it comes to time management because, as a solo parent, you are wearing multiple hats daily. You are a provider, you are an educator. You're a supporter and a protector to your child, and sometimes doing everything alone without any adult companionship is very exhausting, and sometimes it's overwhelming as well,” Jonah, a mom to Jeff, told PhilSTAR L!fe.
More than the personal struggles, Fiona Garcia, 25, said that it’s also a challenge to always ensure that her son will not feel any less, despite her raising him alone.
“It's really challenging on my part to manage my time and at the same time show him that I have this strength and I'm always being positive para makita niya at hindi siya masa-sad na ganito ang sitwasyon namin. Ayokong ma-feel niya that there's a void in my heart, that we are also longing for a masculine person in the house,” she told L!fe. “I always make him feel na kaya namin na kami lang dalawa at hindi niya hahanap ang father figure because I can be a father figure and a mother figure,” she added.
I have to deal with it on my own, and I am not allowed to show my son that I am breaking down. I have to show him na kaya ko, that I am a strong person.
Disciplining her children presents its own challenges for Lyka, the 26-year-old mom admitting, “Minsan hindi mo alam kung tama ba ‘to.”
Meanwhile, Fiona highlighted the unique hardships of single motherhood, especially when illness strikes. Recalling a challenging period when she had to work while battling COVID-19 alongside her daughter, Fiona lamented, “I think ‘yung pinakamahirap na moment is when life is reminding you na single parent ka. Wala kang partner to be with.”
Jonah echoed this, adding that doing both roles has caused her emotional burnout.
“Iniisip ko na mas mabuti sana kung my kasama ako sa buhay para may katuwang ako, but the reality is, wala, so I have to deal with it on my own, and I am not allowed to show my son that I am breaking down,” the 31-year-old mom added.
Dealing with judgments
Lyka has been the sole parent of her daughters, Marga, 9, and Bella, 6, and she admitted that her situation has made her a target of scrutiny.
"Yung mga tao, iisipin selfish ka kasi pinili mo yan. Minsan kasi talaga choice ng mother na maging single siya," she said. “Hindi siya instant na, ‘Ah, ayoko na’ may process bago dumating sa puntong ‘yon. Marami na kaming naging problem ng ex live-in partner ko, marami na talagang pag-aaway, hindi na healthy, toxic,” she tells L!fe.
“Iniisip ko ‘yung mga bata, ayokong makita nila, or kalakihan nila ‘yung ganung pamilya. Oo, buo kami, pero hindi masaya. Mas pipiliin kong lumaki silang wala sa ganung pamilya kasi ngayong napapalaki ko sila na tahimik yung buhay namin, hindi nila nakikita ‘yung ganung bagay,” she added.
This was also the case with Fiona, who was cheated on by her partner. She said she had "no choice" but to leave her partner because cheating was not something she could accept.
As for Jonah, negative comments were not a concern; however, she felt discriminated against when she tried to open up to love again.
“You know it's still a taboo [topic] for people before na dini-discuss yung yung single parent na naghahanap ng partner,” she said, sharing that she once had a suitor, but eventually backed out when he found out that she had a child.
“I understand naman kasi baka ano yung masasabi ng side niya, or friends niya na ‘Ikaw binata ka and then you chose a single mom,’ ‘Sa lahat ng babae bakit ‘yung may sabit pa,’ parang ganun 'yung notion noon, I feel like being discriminated at some point,” she shared.
The reality of being a single mom is kasi iniisip nila that you are a strong woman, [but] the reality is we are vulnerable at times.
Single moms are vulnerable, too
As the backbone of the household, mothers always have to put on their brave faces, but behind the doors, they also need support.
Jonah shared that she did not receive any financial support or any co-parenting support from her ex-partner, which pushed her to focus solely on how they would survive since she was living paycheck to paycheck at the time.
“The reality of being a single mom is kasi iniisip nila that you are a strong woman, [but] the reality is we are vulnerable at times. There are times that we break down, and we also long for some adult companionship,” she said.
Lyka seconded this, saying, “Gusto ko lang maintindihan nila na nahihirapan din kami. Akala nila strong mother, ganiyan, pero siyempre hawak mo ‘yung dalawang role e. Ikaw na ‘yung nanay, ikaw pa ‘yung tatay, mahirap.”
It takes a village to raise a child, and single mothers couldn’t be more grateful to have their support system in their journey.
“I am so grateful naman that I am able to handle it very well with the help of my family as well. I have a great support system to be able to manage it all because there are days I just really do not want to deal with it anymore,” she told L!fe. “Sila yung sumu-supporta sa akin on some days na parang feel ko I am too exhausted to handle it all.”
Motherhood is a rewarding journey
Despite the hardships of raising a child alone, Fiona said that one of the best things about motherhood is how she receives love from her daughter.
"At a very young age, they can give you so much affection...It was so nice na meron naghahanap sa 'yo and meron may kailangan sa 'yo. And 'yung makita mo lang na kahit nagsa-struggle ka emotionally, financially, physically, nagagawa mong ibigay yung buhay na deserve ng anak mo," she added.
Jonah echoed this sentiment, highlighting the profound satisfaction of raising her son.
"The rewarding and best part of being a single parent is when I see my son being a good person. I hear feedback from teachers and also people around me that I raised a good child, and for me, that is a very rewarding thing. Napalaki ko siya nang tama, he is compassionate to others, and sometimes on random days, he will just say, 'I love you, mama,'" she added. "I might have done something right."
It's possible that you can build yourself in the process of being a solo parent. You can thrive and become successful as well.
While raising a child can sometimes mean putting personal dreams on hold and facing moments of discouragement, Fiona emphasized the possibility of overcoming challenges and thriving.
"Mahirap [ang motherhood]," she said, noting that it's normal to shift priorities. "Nandun pa rin yung mga pangarap mo pero mas malinaw na, mas malinaw na [kung bakit] gusto mong gawin ‘to."
"They just have to be really strong. I know it's hard na parang bakit kailangan maging strong all the time," she told L!fe. "But just look at your daughter, your son, and it will always remind you of why, ano ‘yung purpose."
Since they have been solo parenting their children, these mothers can only hope that their children will understand their setup.
"I hope she understands me someday. The decisions I'm making right now are not easy. It's really, really hard. I can actually show people I'm strong, I'm okay pero there are a lot of times that I'm crying about it. I'm actually struggling with it, but because of her, I have the strength to continue. I always find the purpose," Fiona said.
"My only wish is for her to someday understand why I had to make decisions, and why I came up with those decisions," she added. "I hope I make her happy."
