What’s the secret to lasting love?

We're a simple and practical couple. I'm Ilokano and she's Kapampangan. We don't always try hard to make each other happy.

We haven't had a helper in the house for two decades. We do all the housework ourselves. When a husband gets to be my age (the wrong side of 60), we get cranky. I don't do all the chores and errands she tasks me to do. She gets it now after all the years we've been together. I tell her that I'm trying to squeeze all the time I have left doing comics that they can publish when I'm gone. There was a time when we pushed each other's buttons every morning to start an argument before breakfast—our way of communicating in our late years. I don't engage easily anymore. And neither does she.

Here’s another secret: Have your grandkids and their parents live with you. When you're surrounded with cuteness, you'll hardly raise your voices anymore.

‘Communicate’

Mon Guinto, bank executive and Karen Reodica-Guinto, retail executive, married for 25 years 

We’ve been together for 30 years, married for 25. Our secret is a mix of cliché advice from our elders:

• Have shared interests and values. This forms common ground and understanding. By sharing hobbies and activities, you automatically spend more time together. With shared values, stuff like parenting and major life decisions are easily aligned and resolved.
• But have space for yourself and your identity. It’s also healthy to have something of your own (that the other can “dip into” from time to time).
• Communicate. It helps avoid a lot of misunderstandings. Easier said than done because effective communication involves a lot of listening and sometimes thoughtful pauses.
• Compromise. Because nothing and no one is perfect, the give-and-take hopefully breeds change, growth and perspective.
  Humility. We know our frailties and blind spots and we look to each other for support.
   
• Humor. When all else fails, laughter usually breaks the deadlock and tension when it happens. It’s when we realize that we’d rather spend our eternity together having fun rather than moping around.

‘Have shared dreams and goals’

Lawrence Cua, marketing manager at BDO, and Iya Jimenez-Cua, owner of Bun Appetit, married for 13 years 

One secret to lasting love is having shared dreams and goals, big and small. It can be running a business, getting healthier, homeschooling your child, or even working on smaller projects together. When one goal is done, you just start another.

‘Make each other feel seen and appreciated’

Lesley Ann Guevarra, brand and marketing head, and Bea Basa, performance marketing director, together for 13 years 

Our love grew naturally over time, built on laughs, admiration, and discovering the little things that make each other special. We’ve learned that embracing both our quirks and similarities keeps our relationship fun and effortless.

Over 13 years together, we’ve grown more mature and grounded, learning to evolve both individually and as a couple. One of the things we prioritize is making each other feel seen and appreciated every day and most importantly, making each other laugh and smile through simple compliments, silly faces, and thoughtful gestures.

We celebrate both small and big wins with comfort food, movie nights, or trying new restaurants. We support each other in any way we can, checking in after long days. It’s in these small, consistent efforts that our love deepens.

For us, a happy day doesn’t have to be fancy. Whether we’re exploring new food spots or chilling with our fur baby watching movies at home, it’s all about being present together and being there for each other.

In the end, lasting love comes from friendship, effort, laughter, and choosing each other, every single day.

‘You should drink together’

Raymond Eugenio, businessman, and Vivian Eugenio, insurance adviser and housewife, together for 34 years

Our secrets to lasting love:

• Your partner should be your friend.
• You should have many things in common.
• Dapat may tampuhan para may kiss and makeup because that gives your relationship life.
• Hindi dapat oo lang nang oo yung isa.
• Never stop dating.
• You should drink together.
• You should have common faith.
• You should always play your theme song especially on long drives. (For us it’s You Are by Lionel Richie.)

‘Mutual trust, respect and devotion’

Roseann Villegas, PR head at Robinsons Land, and Val Villegas, retired IT executive, married for 25 years

Val and I were engaged for about two and a half years and married for 25. We have a daughter, Vianna, who just turned 23 this year.

The secret is developing a more meaningful and deeper relationship based on mutual trust, respect and devotion. It goes beyond flowers, gifts and dating. It's finding more of each other as you grow old together. Harmony is very important as we are both different individuals still.

Our tips? Continue to enjoy moments that you enjoyed when you were still a couple—hold hands and remember special milestones in your relationship. My husband remains truly a gentleman. He still opens the door for me, lets me enter first—it may be mundane, but I really appreciate it. And lastly, discovery is important. I learn new things with him and we continue to learn from each other. No one is smarter than the other. Marriage is a partnership that should withstand the test of time. And parenting is included in that recipe of love.

‘Only fight about the big, important stuff’

Kuya Show, host, voiceover artist, content creator, and JP, space engineer, together for three years 

The secret? Distance.

We’ve been long-distance for almost three years, and not being glued to each other all the time forces us to be happy on our own first. So when we are together, it’s not two people trying to complete each other—it’s two fully functioning adults choosing each other on purpose. Less pressure and fewer emotional expectations.

The other secret is the language barrier. It’s basically our free couple’s therapy. Nakakatamad to argue about petty things because it takes so much mental effort and Google Translate that we just give up halfway. We only end up fighting about the big, important stuff. Mas practical ‘di ba?

And JP says the secret is being able to be silly with each other and having similar interests.

‘Genuinely like each other’

Dr. Adrian H. Buensalido, retired dermatologist and Joy Lumawig-Buensalido, public relations CEO, together for more than 50 years 

There are really no secrets to a long-lasting relationship. In the process of establishing a relationship, it is the realization that every couple has common passions to enjoy and differences to understand.

After being together for more than 50 years, the most basic tip that we can give to every couple is that you have to genuinely like each other in all kinds of circumstances so that you will always enjoy each other’s company, maybe more as good friends than as husband and wife.

Over the years, we have luckily discovered that we enjoy doing the same things: traveling, shopping, walking, biking and driving to different places, and basically spending excessive amounts of time together. As my daughter often kids us, we’re “clingy,” yes, but we always agree to give each other time (and space) to pursue each other’s passions. So when he plays golf or does carpentry and various home projects, I watch Netflix or I have lunches with my girlfriends and colleagues, or I read, write, or communicate, which is what I do best. At the end of the day, we share with each other what we did, just like two best friends exchanging notes on what each one learned or discovered.

A second thing that we can share with young couples is to find or discover and pursue common interests and activities that you can do and grow as a couple. In our case, we both serve in our church as lectors and we also sing with a choir—the Sounds of Santiago (SOS) choir of St James the Great Parish, which is composed of several married couples and professionals. We’ve been singing with this choir for over 30 years now and we enjoy the weekly practices, the camaraderie and the privilege of singing regularly for our church. It’s a commitment that we both love and honor. At the same time, we totally appreciate the fact that we’ve learned more than 200 musical pieces which we could not have done even if we had taken singing lessons on our own. We’ve performed in Christmas concerts in a top hotel, a luxury mall and in the Las Piñas church, and those experiences have made us closer not only as a couple but as a team. Keeping our faith in God together is perhaps key to our being close as a couple. 

Teamwork not only works in the corporate setting: it also works wonders for couples. We try to constantly support each other by being aware and listening to each other’s troubles, aches and pains, and providing the remedies or solutions the other requires. In our case, Adrian is the fixer as his interests cover everything about carpentry, home fixtures, electrical and water problems—and he even knows how to sew! In contrast, Joy’s expertise is in dealing with people problems, coordination of the day-to-day affairs, and the maintenance of schedules and other home and family requirements.

There is wisdom in knowing what the other can do better so that’s what we try to encourage and support as we continue to mature and grow our long-lasting partnership.

‘Really listen to what your partner is saying’

Mon Isberto, former journalist and Smart Communications public affairs head, and currently a consultant for Mediaquest Holdings, and Ester C. Isberto, former executive director of the NGOs for Integrated Protected Areas, adviser of the Bantayog ng mga Bayani Foundation, and board Member of the Jose W. Diokno Foundation and the Child Rights Coalition Asia, together for 56 years

MON: Iting and I became a couple in 1970. We met when we were in third year high school in Cebu City. I am from Manila but I took my third and fourth year of high school in Cebu because my father was assigned there for his work. After graduating in early 1970, I went back to Manila. But I returned to Cebu during the semestral break to ask Iting if she could be my girlfriend. So, we’ve been together for over half a century.

How has our relationship lasted so long? One reason: Our first five years together were really tough. Because, actually, we were far apart— Iting in Cebu and me in Manila. There was no internet then. Long-distance calls and trips to Cebu were expensive. We kept in touch largely by writing letters to each other—twice a month.

We’ve been able to save some of her letters to me and it touches me deeply to see how a relationship can be nurtured despite the distance between us in a purely analog way. Keep in mind that our love went through ups and downs in those five years, reflecting the rowdy context of that time. We almost broke up twice. But we did not lose touch because of the thoughts and feelings that we had shared through our letters.

I would not recommend this to other people. But when a relationship is born under difficult circumstances, it acquires the strength to live much longer.

ESTER: I don't know if there is such a thing as a “lasting love.” What I do know is that loving a person is always a work in progress. There are days that all is well. There are days when you ask yourself if this is what you want after all these years. Yet at the end of it all, if your answer is yes, then you realize that the work in progress is working.

It is important to listen clearly—and I mean really listen—to what your partner is saying—and not saying. You need to listen with your heart together with your brain, too. It’s not enough if you listen only with your heart or only with your brain.

You need to understand when to give him space and not to crowd him. Sometimes doing so is painful. Because it means you have to step back and keep quiet even if it is painful. But that is how married life is. It is give and take.

‘Make time to try new things’

Odette and Nowie Potenciano, restaurateurs, together for 31 years 

We always make time to try new things together no matter how simple—whether it be a new dish or restaurant or by visiting a new place—the shared experiences make our bond grow. 

Since we also work together, we also learned to trust in each other’s capabilities. We let each other take the lead depending on what needs to be done and just roll with whatever the outcome turns out to be. 

Finally, it seems like a simple thing, but we stop to say thank you to each other all the time. In the busyness of life, sometimes we forget how much we’re appreciated by the other and a constant reminder of that always goes a long way.