Modern mommyhood
Motherhood is the greatest job in the world. It is also the hardest.
I call it a job because, aside from the deep sense of purpose and happiness it brings, its day-to-day tasks, guidance, hands-on teaching, nurturing, disciplining and countless duties needed to mold another human being, it’s a full-fledged occupation. Super mamas are secret CEOs (or jugglers), impressively adept at multi-tasking. Though they have many common experiences, motherhood is a personal journey of self-discovery and about life. It is embarking on an uncertain path, which is both terrifying and exciting. I spoke to modern-day moms about their precious moments—including the similarities with and differences from mothering of the past and present—to gain insight on this most important life role.
IC Tirona Trinidad
I love making memories with my children. Exposing them to new things, bringing them to new places. Their ‘first experiences’ are very valuable to me. They fill my heart and my life which completes me as a mother,” says IC Trinidad. She is speaking about her six-year-old daughter Olivia, and two-year-old son Enrique. Touching moments with her children also make motherhood so special for IC. Like the time she asked Olivia, “If there is anyone in the world that she would like to have dinner with, who would it be?” and her musically inclined little girl answered, “My family.” Another precious moment was when Enrique, at such a young age, came up to IC, gave her a long kiss and said, “Love you, Mommy.”
What’s challenging, though, is being able to discipline two kids who are both very assertive and strong-willed. When it comes to this, she has parenting similarities with her mom. IC requires punishment as a consequence of misbehaving. She believes it always works because it instills discipline in a child. Having experienced this herself growing up, “I figured if it worked for me, it will work for them. Tough love when needed. The only difference is that I have to be more diligent and conscious because of distractions from social media and technology, which takes up so much of their time and attention.” On the softer side of mothering, she teaches her children to be a blessing to others, help those in need, treat everyone with respect regardless of their stature in life, and most importantly, to love their family.
What is the ultimate fulfillment as a mother? For IC, “it is being able to bring up my two kids the best way I can. Seeing them happy, healthy, obedient, God fearing and that they express their affection towards me. That they can depend on me throughout their lives.”
Barbie Pardo Tiangco
Barbie Tiangco loves seeing her three children having fun together. “I grew up very close to my siblings, so when I see the three of them enjoying each other’s company, it makes me feel complete.” Her kids are daughter Taylor (14), and sons Fisher (12) and Turner (11). Aside from the siblings spending time with each other, Barbie extends the importance of family by imparting what her mother taught her, which is that Sundays are sacred. They try to spend time with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as much as possible. One of the challenges of her being a mother is scheduling her children’s school, sports and socials. She says, “It drives me nuts.” Also, learning to give the kids space to make mistakes and learn stuff on their own. As for discipline, she finds that the “go to your room” punishment of yesteryear is not relevant anymore. “With all technology in their rooms, they can’t wait to just stay in there. Even if you take their gadgets away, there is always Alexa (the Amazon virtual assistant ) in all the rooms, too.” Furthermore, more presence and participation is expected of parents these days, unlike when she was growing up. “When I was in school, if a parent had to go talk to your teacher, that meant you were in big trouble. Nowadays, if a parent doesn’t show up in school for presentations, PTCs, school events, games, or do the occasional drop-off or pick-up, it's unusual.” On the flip side of day-to-day parenting, there are heart-filling memories being made. Barbie tells a story: “I had a health scare back in 2021. I was abroad trying to figure what was wrong while my kids were back home. I didn’t go into detail with them as I myself was still in the dark, but the youngest, then eight years old, asked to go to church to say a prayer for me.” On being a mother, Barbie just loves “watching these little blobby babies grow into some of the coolest, nicest and most interesting people I know!”
Happy Ongpauco Tiu
According to Happy Tiu, the most precious and touching moments with her four sons, were when they were born and she first got to carry each one. “It’s the feeling of unconditional love that cannot be explained,” she adds. Her all-boy brood includes Renzo, who is now in college, and Chezco, Nicco and Matteo, ages 12, 11, and six, respectively. Speaking of her deep connection with her sons, “What I love most about being a mother is the profound connection I share with my children. There’s a unique bond that forms from the moment they’re born, a bond that grows stronger with each passing day. It’s the little things like their laughter, their hugs, and the sparkle in their eyes that fill my heart with warmth and purpose.”
As Happy is busy with her various businesses, her challenge in being a mom is time management. However, at the end of the day, her children will always be the priority, and she makes an effort to spend time with them. On her style as opposed to the “old ways” of parenting, “There are so many things that have evolved in parenting ways as the generations go by. I can say that how I communicate with my children is far different from how my parents did to us. My parents may have relied more on authoritative directives and less on open dialogue. As a modern parent, a significant emphasis on fostering a nurturing and communicative environment is what works best for us.” And what motherly advice does she pass on to her children? “To have gratitude. When you are grateful, kindness follows.” She concludes, “the most fulfilling aspect of being a mother or parent is the profound love and connection you share with your child. It’s a love that knows no bounds and continues to grow stronger with each passing day, creating memories and experiences that will last a lifetime.”
Jon-jon Rufino
Jon-jon Rufino is obviously not a mother, but is no stranger to mothering. A single parent, Jon-jon is raising 11-year -old twins Lucian and Lilith. Like him, Lilith has a passion for tennis and has won a few national tournaments; and Lucian is into skiing. A year does not go by without him going skiing. “People always ask me if it’s an extra challenge being a gay parent, or being a solo parent, and honestly I don’t think so. I started this adventure knowing what I was getting into,” says Jon-jon. “My mother successfully brainwashed me from an early age that parenting was going to be the most fulfilling endeavor in life, and she’s not wrong. When I was 13 years old, she sat me down and said, ‘You know how some of your schoolmates are having accidents with their girlfriends? You can do that too, as long as we get to keep the baby.’ Of course, I was never going to have an accident with a woman as a gay man, but I didn’t come out until I was 24. But I did always envision myself as having children. My goal was to have people to share my curiosity about the world, so that we could have discussions about anything and everything.” Jon-jon’s main parenting challenge is having to referee the twins in their almost-daily fights. “I have actually told them a couple of times within the last year that I need a short vacation from them. And I’ve taken it. My parents are more than happy to keep them.” This is improving as they get older, though. Jon-jon is transparent and very honest with his kids, which he has learned from his mom. “My mom treated me from a very young age as almost a peer. She would tell me with honesty her complex marital situation when I was six years old, and allow me to give her my input. This is my inspiration in telling my kids everything I can about everything. I explained to them when they were two about my being gay, and how I had them through surrogacy, even though they absolutely did not understand any of it. But I wanted them never to feel that I kept anything from them. So I learned how to trust my kids and talk to them openly from my mom.”
Furthermore, he does not dictate to the twins when it comes to their beliefs or even sports. He is open to discussing, talking things though, and respects their choices. “Lilith hasn’t had a haircut in years. Her hair length is beyond her buttocks. I have told her that I think that’s too long, and how many times has she accidentally sat on her own hair, but I have also told her that it is fine as long as she keeps it clean, I will not force her to cut it. She has never forgiven my mother for cutting it one time, maybe five years ago, in her sleep.” Jon-jon adds, “I’m just trying to teach them about consequences instead of making rules.” Another important value he learned from his mom is to make his children the absolute priority in his life. As for old parenting styles, he doesn’t adhere to hitting children as punishment. Also, the “Kiss the titas and titos” routine that kids do with dread is not required. “They have to greet my friends or my mom’s friends when we say so, but they don’t have to touch if they don’t want. I know his is very non-Filipino, but the pandemic rules have proven my philosophy correct, though we started this from the very beginning. Of course they are affectionate with my friends who they are close to.”
There is a “lovefest” between Jon-jon and the twins. “I love seeing how they are so much better than me in different ways. My daughter’s drive is something else. And I maintain that, pound for pound, she’s a much better tennis player than I am. And my son’s natural charisma, I feel, I never had. As they get older, what I’m really enjoying is discovering the world and life together with them, and learning with and from them.”
Pam Gonzales Lopez
Being a mother is one of life’s standout blessings. What I love about being a mother is witnessing my children grow into the wonderful person that each of them are, and flourishing and being the better embodiment of ourselves. I think it’s truly a gift to be around them as they go through life and learning from them, as well.” This is what entrepreneur Pam Lopez says about her experience of motherhood. Her children are Maria who is six, and Pepe,10 years old. They have distinct personalities with Pepe being more reserved, and Maria “bursting with energy and flair.” Very recently, Pam celebrated her birthday. She had just arrived from a long trip the day before and they woke her up. The two kids prepared banners, sweetly sang to her with a burst of confetti at the end of their performance. Needless to say that Pam was very touched by this. She says, “it was the best one yet!” As a busy mom, the parenting struggle is time. “Time spent with them seems to never be enough. It goes by ever so quickly. I am a working mom and time with my kids have always been precious and a priority. But sometimes it goes by so quickly that you scramble for more. One can wish to stop time but it’s not the case.”
As a young mother, she believes in talking and having conversations with her two offspring. “I think my generation will agree that parenting when we were little was a completely different situation from the parenting style nowadays. A majority of us were perhaps spanked at one point and left us to understand why, and just be okay with it. I’m not saying it’s a hundred percent wrong, but it’s simply not something I would do to my kids. It’s a parenting method that’s not very relevant anymore. Long conversations and interactions are something I adhere to, and luckily it has worked within our family so far. There’s a lot more talking and bonding that happens between our kids and us, and something I enjoy very much.” One practice that crosses from the past generation though is prayer. Pam’s mother has always taught her to pray and this she teaches to her kids. “When things get questionable and unanswerable, pray. Pray to Jesus and ask him for discernment and guidance. I tell my kids to pray to Jesus and ask to always protect them from any harm and keep them always safe. In the same breath, I tell them to never forget to thank Jesus for their blessings and what they have in and around them.” Above the challenges and priceless moments is the joy of motherhood for Pam. “It’s knowing that you’re doing a great job at mothering and parenting. I think a lot of us moms torture ourselves too much, thinking we aren’t doing it the best way we can in the mommy world. But when you start taking a step back and seeing it from a different light, I think we all are doing the uttermost best we can at being a mother fit for our children. It’s knowing that I am enough and realizing that my children love me and their father unconditionally is truly the most fulfilling.”