A dispute at a coffee shop: Filipina versus foreigner
An animated online discussion was recently sparked by a viral video that showed a woman engaged in an “intense, unexpected argument with a stranger” at a popular coffee shop in Cebu.
The woman, who posted the video herself, related that she was talking to her boyfriend on her mobile phone when she realized her headphones were not working so she decided to go on speakerphone. She recounted that a foreigner came up to her and said, “This is not your living room or your office so you cannot talk that loud.”
She pointed out that the café was a public place to which the man allegedly retorted: “Well, you can’t just do whatever you want.” The heated exchange led to the woman asserting that “this is my country. I can do whatever I want.” The man then snapped back, “This is also my country. I have a permanent resident card and I bring money to this country.”
The video drew mixed reactions from netizens. Some praised the woman for standing her ground. Another said: “We should never ever feel intimidated in our own country. They already do that to us in other countries.”
Edd Fuentes, a colleague in the PR profession who had earlier caught the viral video, sought my stance on the issue.
Q: What is your view on this incident? How should the woman have reacted to the man’s complaint? Should we allow foreigners to tell locals what to do in our own country?
A: The situation is not as simple as it appears. One can only try to explain what should have transpired to resolve the matter and even prevent a verbal confrontation.
At the most basic level, it is NEVER good manners to speak loudly in any common or shared space such as a coffee shop where customers go to meet up with friends, occasionally hold meetings with clients, or simply enjoy their espresso without the distraction of a loud conversation from a nearby table.
Thus, my answer is: NO, malfunctioning headphones are not an excuse to switch to speakerphone—especially not in shared spaces such as cafés and restaurants. NO to talking loudly on one’s phone at any time of the day, in any public place, unless you can slip away to a spot where your chatter will not be heard by everyone else. And NO to protracted phone conversations that may bother other customers in the area.
Perhaps the woman in the coffee shop should have acted contrite or responded with some semblance of humility. After all, she could have stepped out of the premises (option no. 1) to make that call so she could carry on with her boyfriend out of the hearing range of everyone else. This is basic courtesy and respect for other patrons of the establishment.
Option no. 2 was for the woman to stick the phone close to her ear and to keep her voice low. Using speakerphones is never appropriate when one is in a dining place, café, or hotel lobby. That is rude and should never be considered an option.
Let’s look at this problem from the point of view of the foreigner.
He pointedly told her, “This is not your living room or your office, so you cannot talk that loud.” He was right, I’m sorry to say. In the privacy of your own home, you may talk at the top of your voice, shriek and scream, and laugh out loud. However, you are not at liberty to do the same in a corporate setting, especially if you share your workspace with other employees. An exemption would be having your own private office where circumstances require that you use your speakerphone for a group video call.
The video taken at the coffee shop may not have shown it, but there is nothing more annoying than having to listen to two voices discussing personal details about a trip while one is trying to get some quiet time to read a book or an office report, or checking correspondence on your laptop. Perhaps the foreigner was just savoring a lull in his workday when the woman ruined his peace.
So on Level 2, the foreigner and I are on the same page. The dispute could have been avoided if she had simply apologized and asked if she could take a few more seconds to wind up her convo with the boyfriend. Who knows if the other party would have let her do so, if reluctantly?
There is yet a third perspective from which to view the situation: When the woman pulls out the nationality card to assert that she won’t allow any foreigner to “trample on her in her own country.”
I believe the woman completely missed the point by pitting her nationality against that of a foreigner who had merely chided her for talking loudly. By rousing the sentiments of Filipinos, she tried to deflect attention from her blatant disregard for a person’s right to enjoy his peace and quiet in a coffee shop.
On the other hand, would she have responded differently if a Filipino guest had called her out for the same reason?
The following, then, are my objective comments on whether the use or nonuse of speakerphones is right or wrong and, in the case of the coffee shop in Cebu, did a protagonist’s nationality have any relevance to this case.
I will have to be consistent and refer you to one of my past columns titled “Gadgets and the Rules of Civility” published in this paper last Feb. 28. In it I wrote: “No To Noise in Public and Private Spaces. There is absolutely no right reason to inflict upon anyone the ‘noise’ that only you (and whoever you’re talking to) have any interest in talking about.”
There, I’ve said it again! The basic premise of this complaint was already wrong to begin with. The woman who was talking loudly on speakerphone should have apologized for her inconsiderate act. Instead, she played the nationality card. Hence, the foreigner replied to her by saying: “This is also my country and I am a permanent resident.”
I am not condoning what the foreigner said about “bringing money to this country,” but he was obviously provoked by the woman’s declaration that she can do whatever she wants in her country. Still, she could have headed off the nasty exchange if she had only smiled and appealed to the foreigner’s better nature.
And perhaps it’s best for a foreigner—or anybody—to exercise politeness when requesting that somebody lower their volume.
