UP Cebu Class of '24 valedictorian shares how prioritizing mental health, taking a gap year became his key to success
For most people, long hours of studying and meeting deadlines would be the key components to success, and resting would mean “wasting time” for the hours that could have been dedicated to learning. But for Jethro Modequillo, taking a break to prioritize mental wellness helped him unleash the best version of himself and graduate summa cum laude.
Modequillo, a computer science major, narrated in his now-viral speech how he managed to become this year’s class valedictorian despite taking a gap year.
He shared his three “magic wishes” to fellow graduates: Do what you love, give back to something you care about, and be open to failure—which resonated with the public the most.
Modequillo recounted how he needed to take a gap year, being unable to handle the “pressure [he] put on [himself] to succeed, excel, and to never make mistakes.”
“All that pressure gave me is burnout and resentment, most of it was self-inflicted,” he said.
Speaking to PhilSTAR L!fe, Modequillo further shared it was “unexpected” of him to perform “so badly” in his academics around 2022, especially since he used to excel in school.
“I'm really a big nerd. I've always loved STEM subjects, I've also loved math and science,” he shared, adding that he was also the type who would always ask questions during class.
“I ask a lot of questions to my teachers and my professors. I really raise my hand a lot to ask questions. Sometimes, if I feel like I'm asking too much, I just email the professor later after the class is finished. ‘Cause I don't want to slow down the lecture,” he told L!fe.
The recent graduate shared he enjoyed asking questions because he likes understanding what he was learning. "I love my time in UP, and I'm so grateful to have professors who are so knowledgeable in their fields,” he added. “I was really hungry for knowledge.”
Outside academics, Modequillo shared that he was a varsity student in junior high school, but decided to stop in senior high school and college to focus on academics.
Courtesy of Jethro Modequillo
Looking back, he expressed how upsetting it was when he could not meet deadlines anymore, that he even had to “beg” himself to work.
“It was really jarring to see me start doing so badly in school. I could not meet deadlines anymore,” adding that he would either submit his assignment on time, but it was “horrible and lackluster,” or he would submit a month or two late since the deadline.
“I was really doing so bad, and I could not bring myself to do work like I would beg my body to ‘please, please write the essay, read the book, start the test, do the quiz,’” he said. “I just could not bring myself to work. Something was stopping me.”
Taking the very much-needed gap year
Modequillo, who was a working student, believed that being unable to fulfill his tasks anymore was not due to laziness, but a signal for him to slow down.
“I don't think that was laziness, because if I was just being lazy, then it should have been like relaxing or pleasurable, or like I should enjoy my time ignoring work, [but] I was not enjoying,” he shared.
“I was so anxious because I could not do the thing that I wanted to do. I could not do the assignments, and I really wanted to. I could not focus on school. I could not go up to classes. I could not do the work,” he added. “So, like I felt na I was crippled in some way.”
During his break, he shared that he spent most of his free time working as a developer in a start-up company, which he said was easy to do compared to his student tasks.
“I think because the deliverables are so well defined; I know what I need to do. I know when I can say I'm done. I know what's good enough. I know again when I can stop, [the] tasks are on a to-do list, and I just need to do that,” he shared.
It was also the time when he sought professional help for his mental health.
“I felt like I had to talk to someone who was qualified, because, like, I really felt crippled,” he said, stressing that such a problem cannot be easily treated compared to having a physical injury when one can easily pinpoint and make others understand what’s hurting.
“Because when it's a mental injury you don't have a broken hand, that you can point to. So you don't really have a good excuse. For why you're doing so bad. You don't have a reason. You don't understand what's going on,” he explained to L!fe.
Taking a break for a year would mean his delayed graduation, so he couldn’t be more grateful to have his parents’ support in his journey.
He added that while they were hesitant at first, they eventually let him work on himself.
“They let me. They gave me the space that I needed to recover,” he shared. “They didn't kick me out of the house, and they let me come back the next year.”
Going against the stigma of mental health not being real health, though, I feel like that was a lot more difficult. But I'm really proud that I pushed through with it
‘Have a clear definition of what best is’
Modequillo shared that he had a lot of pressure from people around him, but he was able to manage his fear of disappointing others by changing the way he thinks.
“Do your best lang siguro, that's really what I started telling myself,” he began.
“But when I say, ‘Do your best,’ what I mean is not push yourself to your limits; I mean, have a clear definition of what best is, because initially, I would do my best, and that meant like pushing myself beyond what was sustainable,” he added, adding that he learned that pushing oneself too hard would end up being “burned and crashed” at some point.
“It's a good thing that I did that by stopping versus pushing myself through because I think I would just get worse and worse and worse, and become more frustrated with how badly I was doing,” he added.
He added that it does not necessarily mean getting perfect scores but understanding what you’re capable of and then trying to reach it.
Proudest moment
More than achieving the highest academic distinction, Modequillo is prouder that he acknowledged his needs.
“My proudest moment, even more than being a valedictorian is really the fact that I took a break,” he said. “I don't know if that's a big deal for other people, but it was to me. Because it was not an easy decision; Being valedictorian just means I got the highest grades, but it's not very revolutionary,” he stressed, adding that addressing his mental health problems was “a lot more difficult” to do.
“Going against the stigma of like mental health not being real health, though, I feel like that was a lot more difficult. But I'm really proud that I pushed through with it,” he said.
“Because I would be so so dysfunctional right now if I didn't take the time to recover and like work on myself, and identify my strengths and weaknesses, and try to eliminate the things that were troubling me like. I am so much better now,” he added, and while he was initially worried about “getting behind” with his batchmates, he stressed that it helped him bounce back and excel further when he returned to the university.
“And apparently that's a much better strategy than pushing yourself beyond your limits all the time, because I came back to school, and I felt so great, and I did so well.”
You have lived your whole life. You know all of the events that have transpired to bring you to where you are now, you know yourself more than anyone. And you are exactly where you need to be. So if you feel like you can keep going, go ahead. If you think you need to take a break, do it
‘You're exactly where you need to be’
Looking back on his journey, Modequillo has one advice to people who are also struggling with pressure: “Expectations come from other people who don't know what you're going through; Don't listen to that.”
“You have lived your whole life. You know all of the events that have transpired to bring you to where you are now, you know yourself more than anyone. And you are exactly where you need to be. So if you feel like you can keep going, go ahead. If you think you need to take a break, do it,” he added.
“If you think you need to. I think you'll know what to do when the time comes, cause no one knows you better than you. You're exactly where you need to be.”