How James Reid found his reason for being by leaving it all behind
"I was 17, just arrived from Australia. I was no one. Then I lived in that house for two months and when I came out, there wasn’t a single person that didn’t recognize me. That’s insane. It was a lot to deal with that early on."
James Reid is, without a doubt, one of the biggest stars in the country. His rise to fame was quite literally overnight when he was cast to join Pinoy Big Brother in 2010. What followed was a decade of the classic Filipino celebrity path: movies, concerts, dance numbers, telenovelas, and, of course, love teams. In 2019, he surprised everyone by leaving everything behind, including one of the nation’s top management agencies, Viva Artists.
So what pushes a man at the pinnacle of his career to make such a significant—and for some, reckless—decision? “I just didn’t feel like I was living a life that was my own,” James shares with me during an exclusive podcast interview. “I didn’t feel like I had a choice. It’s like here’s this amazing opportunity, it’s not just given to anyone. So many people believed in me and, of course, I had to strike while the iron was hot. But there was this thing in me that just kept scratching, saying, what is it that I really want?”
James doesn’t blame anyone for this. As he matter of factly explains: “It was more me not knowing who I was and what I wanted out of life, so the easiest thing was to just say yes to everything. Even the love team concept. That was a whole other kind of pressure. I couldn’t even stand alone. It was as if I was just one half of something. All of it led to the question of ‘Who am I?’ That’s really where it all began.”
I’d crossed paths with James several times before. Funnily enough, never in the context of celebrity parties or events, but mostly as a small business owner. He’s a partner in quite a few F&B concepts in Poblacion that I’ve featured in the past. He always presented himself as quite introverted, with a kind face and soft smile; certainly, a man of few words. I was surprised he agreed to be on my podcast, “Soulful Feasts.”
Currently, James has his own management agency and music label, Careless, along with partner Jeffrey Oh, and is making waves with his music internationally as well as in the luxury fashion scene. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure how the conversation would pan out. What does this hip, young artist have in common with a middle-aged mom like me? Turns out, quite a bit.
James Reid is an incredibly soulful person and, at 31, has so much wisdom. What he experienced in 2019, in his mid-20s, is a classic example of what Carl Jung calls the Individuation Process: that’s when The Trickster comes into your life, to instill a bit of chaos, so that you begin your Hero’s Journey into the unknown (your unconscious, your True Self) in order to emerge enlightened, empowered and entirely, authentically you.
Happiness felt like something I needed to chase. People can find it quickly, but then you can lose it just as fast. For me, peace of mind is the most important thing,’ says James Reid.
“I felt really alone,” he explains. “That was the source of my depression. It then manifested in self-destructive behavior. Almost like I was saying, ‘I’m not perfect, I’m not the person you say I am.’ It led me to setting everything on fire.” After he left, he describes it as just making a lot of mistakes. “I finally had room to make mistakes. I wasn’t placed on a pedestal anymore where people were telling that I was at the top of my game and I couldn’t release a bad song. I finally had the space to take risks and mess up. That’s when all these emotions surfaced.”
James expresses that he didn’t have the same kind of support he used to have, but that’s actually what was necessary at that time. “I wanted to learn on my own and understand what makes me ‘me.’ I wanted to dive into an art form that made me happy and music is what I was passionate about. I could write about how I felt and express myself in my own way.”
The road to freedom of expression was most certainly not easy. The breakup of his love team with Nadine Lustre garnered an immense amount of toxicity, the kind that would break most people. “It sucks,” James exclaims. “That’s the short answer. So many people had an opinion on my personal life. It was so damaging, but at some point, I recognized that it was really out of my control. I came to the realization that if there’s nothing you can do about it, then stop worrying about it. If there is, then do something, but if there really isn’t, then just stop worrying. That’s how I have peace of mind. I’m not going to let it get in the way of me being happy.”
Happy he is. After our conversation, James stayed on for drinks at home and called over his girlfriend, Issa Pressman. It turned into an impromptu double date, with my partner Scott. The two are radiant and profound souls, with beautiful karmic energy that is so natural and infectious. In Pinoy terms, nakakakilig. Over a few G&Ts on my terrace, we spoke for hours about love, life, trauma, grief, second chances, and spiritual journeys. Throw in music, fashion, design, and motorcycles for good measure. It’s safe to say we ended hours later, slightly buzzed, with a fast friendship.
I had my own epiphany. What I had perceived as introversion is really the outside manifestation of someone who simply has found inner peace. Meditation has played a large part in his journey. “It’s like being lost in a forest,” James explains. “You don’t know which way is north, or if you’ve walked too far south. You don’t know if you’re walking further away from society or not. When I’m meditating, it’s like I get a bird’s-eye view and I find my reference point. Here’s my center, here’s my true north; this is who I am outside all the noise. It brings me back to a place of peace.”
For James, inner peace takes precedence over happiness. “Happiness felt like something I needed to chase. People can find it quickly, but then you can lose it just as fast. People can try to avoid their sadness for a long time, but it will just take longer to heal. Happiness will come and go, I’ll enjoy it when it’s there, but when it’s time I’ll let go; otherwise it can become my pain. And that’s why, for me, peace of mind is the most important thing. That I can live with myself and my choices, because what is the point of having great success if I’m not at peace?”
Is he at peace today? Absolutely. Although, in constant evolution, it seems like James has found his ikigai. Ikigai is the Japanese concept of purpose and reason for being that lies at the intersection between what you love to do, what you are good at, what you can be paid for, and what the world needs. “I love my job,” he declares. “I love being able to help other artists express themselves freely. Anything I can do to help them and to inspire other artists is a huge win for me. And I’m most joyful when I’m in the studio, when I’m creating. Today, when I create a new song, there’s a part of me that I’ve put into it. I’ve taken from the inside and put it outside and other people can see it. I’m happy when people can listen and interpret it for themselves as well.”
I can’t help but draw parallels to the very core of Jung’s Depth Psychology, which is to discover and fulfill our individual potential. To make what is dark light. To dive deep into our unconscious selves and make it conscious so that we may take control of our narrative and practice self-authority in the everyday. And that all begins with self-reflection, something James encourages everyone to do. “I try to practice this every day, as well as self-interventions so I can stay on my truest path. I need to know myself outside of what everyone has told me. Ultimately, this is who you are.”
Carl Jung once said: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” James’ star shines brighter than ever, but this time, it’s from within.
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Catch the exclusive episode with James Reid on my podcast, “Soulful Feasts,” on Spotify and Apple Pods.