Do they like you or are they just being nice?

"You meet someone, connect deeply, maybe even fall in love, but when real life comes back, you return to being strangers again," he wrote, adding that the experience taught him that "not all connections are meant to last."

Jerome accompanied the post with a series of pictures showing moments from their entire trip, along with captions depicting their supposed romance.

However, JM issued a statement denying the assertions that what they had was something romantic and called Jerome "delusional." 

"You spread a bunch of lies on social media that made people sympathize with you. Ikaw mismo ang gumawa ng mga bagay na ikakasakit mo. And in the first place, all of my actions were simply small acts of human decency!" he said. 

The whole situation left many asking: In a world where kindness can sometimes be mistaken for affection, how do we even begin to tell the difference? How do you know if someone actually likes you or if they're just being nice?

Why do people assume that someone likes them?

Relationship expert Alicia Serrano told PhilSTAR L!fe that people tend to assume that others like them romantically due to a "culture of indirect communication."

"This leads to people making assumptions instead of just asking. People also fear being wrong should they ask questions about another person’s feelings towards them. They could also feel embarrassed or shy when it comes to attraction and relationships, especially when it concerns them," she said.

Media depictions of relationships are also another factor, and this is especially relevant to people who are not in a position to explore relationships yet, be it that they are too young or not yet ready.

"The issue here is that media portrayals can be simplistic and reinforce the notions that certain acts are inherently romantic, even though that might not be true," Serrano said.

She further noted how society has "created a culture where people are more incentivized to be nicer to people they like rather than just being nice to others in general."

This is especially true for the socialization of men, given the pressures of the traditional gender norms that still exist. This leads to two things: One, people only do nice things for another person because they like them; Two, people assume someone likes them because they did something nice," she explained.

Avoiding assumptions

One way to avoid these harmful assumptions is to shift your focus away from romantic relationships.

"You have to reject the idea that romantic intention is automatically the reason behind nice gestures. A healthy dose of thinking 'I could be wrong' is important here so that you don’t end up with the wrong assumption, and you can have room for healthy friendships, too," Serrano advised.

You can also avoid this pattern of assumption when you begin to value clarity—you should expect the other person to communicate their intentions clearly.

If it's too difficult for you to figure out the other's feelings for yourself, you can also choose to confront them about it, but there's still a lot to consider.

"Are you hoping that they like you? Is the potential romantic interest welcomed? Does this person matter to you to the point where you would like to know their intentions? Does it bother you not to know what their intentions are? If you have no attachment to a person or have no interest in exploring anything romantic with them, you really don’t need to confront someone about it, especially if you are at peace with not knowing their intention anyway," Serrano said.

But if you're set on getting clarity, you can ask about it curiously, like asking, “Hey, is there anyone that you’re into right now?” or “I notice you’re doing a lot of sweet things. What do these mean exactly?” rather than presumptive questions like “Nililigawan mo ba ako?”

"If two people have a good friendship and joking around is part of the dynamic, there can be room to confront someone in a lighthearted, banter-like manner. This is usually the context where saying things like 'Uy crush mo ako noh' can work. Of course, clearer communication is still needed here to determine what someone’s actions truly mean," Serrano said.

Romantic or platonic?

If a person likes you, they'll tell you upfront, ask you on a date, or make jokes or comments about liking you, according to Serrano. They also go out of their way to do nice things only for you and consistently find ways to spend time and interact with you.

On the other hand, signs that it's just platonic include the person giving everybody the same treatment, rarely initiating interactions, not going out of their way to spend time with you, and never bringing up the idea of liking you or being in a relationship with you—not even as a joke.

"An important caveat is that a lot of people hide their true feelings. In my practice and experience, many people would avoid the people they like. People also sometimes go out of their way to treat the people they like in a way that doesn’t show favoritism. Sometimes, they can even be rather detached," Serrano said.

"Given this, there really is no guaranteed list to 100% determine if someone likes you or if they are just being nice. Rather, we can only do our best to see whatever kind of clarity we can in other people’s behaviors, and work to get more clarity for ourselves," she added.