I failed the bar exams and let me tell you, it's going to be okay
I failed the bar. I failed on relationships, jobs, health, and people too.
I told the world that I failed the bar years after I became a lawyer. I thought it was important to let those who went through the gut-wrenching feeling of defeat that passing the bar is not the end-all and be-all of who one is.
Until today, I still get random messages from bar-takers every year who come across my article, just to tell me that somehow, reading a few paragraphs helped them. Understandably, because really, after failing the bar, one can feel lost, and you tend to start questioning a lot of things about yourself and your life. You try to search for answers, find meaning, and maybe a little distraction.
And yes, to this day, over a decade since I've been practicing law, I can still remember the heartache. I remember the feeling and some words I spoke to the people I love.
I particularly remember apologizing to my younger brother. I was the eldest, and I felt like I failed him as an ate for messing up my future. It was such a bad example I, thought. (I'm crying right now while writing this.)
His response was: "Why are you sorry Ate? There's nothing to be sorry about!" And that was the absolute truth. Because despite my failure, my brother also ended up being a lawyer, all on his own, with a beautiful family and fantastic prospects for his future.
Not passing the bar is shitty and the feeling will linger for a bit so wallow if you must. Just remember that this too shall pass.
For someone aspiring to practice in the legal profession, let me be clear: not passing a qualifying exam is not a kiss of death. I am speaking from experience and as an employer and a leader.
Failing the bar does not define you. Failing in anything does not define anyone. It's really what you do after defeat that shows who you are. You can't control everything, but you are in perfect control of how you act.
This is little comfort for someone reeling from the news. I know it sucks. And it will suck for a while. Allow yourself to wallow but never despair.
Some may be curious how we — those who had to take the bar more than once — have fared in life. I won't tell you all the goals I've achieved, but I can share a few things: I am a woman having an absolutely great time living my life. I am a woman who figured out some things and still figuring out some things. I am a woman who cries over sappy radio commercials and after I've had a bad day.
I am a woman who laughs too loud and loves too much. I am a woman who believes in the power of faith and doing right by others. I am a woman who measures my success by the lives I've helped improve — even by a little bit. I am a woman who keeps failing, and yet realizes it's just part of life. Take it from an old woman.
Currently, I have the privilege of doing what I enjoy doing but more so what I've set out to do for some years now. I am working with arguably one of the best legislators in our country today. Bonus: my boss is a woman.
She is not a lawyer. And when she, Rep. Stella Luz Quimbo, brought me into her team, guess what? She never even asked how many times I had to take the bar. I think this would be the first time she'll find out — if she ever reads this article.
A couple of weeks ago, someone tagged me on a Twitter thread. Apparently, someone was throwing shade because a candidate for a national elective position did not pass the bar on the first take. I had to give a little laugh and then proceeded to reply: "Kaazar naman toh beh... shempre mallungkot ka pag di ka nakapasa NG KAHIT ANONG EXAM na pinagaralan mo.. ang sukat eh kung ano gagawin mo pagkatapos..."
"Minsan malas, pero minsan naiging presidentiable... jezsayin' Wag nega mga dudes. Rock on lang. And also... #letwomenlead."
My message remains the same as it was all those years ago: not passing the bar is shitty and the feeling will linger for a bit so wallow if you must.
Just remember that this too shall pass. After the grieving, keep moving. Whether that's to go and study again, get a job, take a sabbatical, or do yoga and meditate, move forward, and remember your real "why" in life.
To those who just took the bar, I think that you are all incredible. I draw inspiration from you and the grit you have demonstrated in pursuing your goals in the middle of a worldwide pandemic, in the midst of additional anxiety and looming uncertainty.
And if anyone attempts to give you grief because you didn't pass this bar, just keep your eyes forward, love. You'll get to where you need to be.
Good luck and rock on.