I went to an AI-powered matchmaking event—here’s what happened
Recently, I decided to give the classic comfort show Sex and the City another try.
At first, I blamed it on boredom or FOMO, but who am I kidding? As I navigate the dumpster fire that is dating in my early twenties, I simply want to understand men without having to deal with them myself. While SATC is set in the early 2000s, against the backdrop of a very white New York City, the many misadventures of Carrie Bradshaw, Samantha Jones, Miranda Hobbes, and Charlotte York seemed enduring enough to apply to my generation.
So when I was informed about the existence of Never Strangers after finishing the fifteenth episode of Season 2, I took it as a cosmic sign from my fictional friend group. Stop living vicariously through us. It’s your turn now, they seemed to say.
Following successful runs in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur, this in-person matchmaking event made its way to Manila and Cebu last March 6th and 7th, respectively. What sets Never Strangers apart from other singles mixers is the element of algorithmic intervention: yes, AI is in charge of analyzing our responses to a set of questions and identifying our best match in the guest list. Findings are grounded in relationship sciences and Nobel Prize-winning behavioral economics, and focused on long-term compatibility. So if sparks don’t fly from the get-go, the platform at least promises an alignment in values and goals. Welcome to the 21st century!
In an attempt to channel my inner Carrie, and upon the encouragement of my bosses, I went undercover.
Breaking the ice and mingling
The application form required me to provide a reason for going, so that organizers could ensure that no one goes in with ulterior motives. And though I was driven by my desire for a good story, the answer I put was true, anyway: I’ve never had a boyfriend. I wasn’t attractive in high school, had a manhater phase all throughout college, and graduated from Zoom University. As a freelancer, chances of an office romance are non-existent yet I remain convinced that the love of my life is not in the club or on the apps.
To no one’s surprise, I almost chickened out multiple times on my way to the event. I didn’t know anyone in the packed venue and was terrified to be assigned to a table at random—until I met Jāmme (pronounced as Jamie) and Nica. All three of us had gone alone and became fast friends, joined at the hip for the rest of the night.
Together, we filled up the famous Never Strangers questionnaire: a series of increasingly invasive Likert scales meant to size up who we were as people. I had to dig deep to find out just how adventurous or religious I was, or how willing I’d be to let my prospective partner stay friends with an ex (unlikely) or see other girls on the side (even more unlikely, unless she’s a therapist).
As the algorithm sifted through multiple permutations for our perfect match, we moved on to the first segment: an informal icebreaker. Using the stack of cue cards strategically placed at the center, those who shared a table got to know one another and form our first impressions. For instance, I learned that the guy next to me was a racecar driver, the one across from me was trying out golf, and that I can trick people into thinking I’m Chinese.
After downing my free drink all in one go, it was time to proceed to human bingo: a freshman college orientation staple. We were all given cards with a different quirk or characteristic in each square. The task was to go around the room and try to find a member of the opposite sex who met each of the criteria and ‘black out’ the entire grid. The end goal, it seemed, wasn’t to find a soulmate but to just wear my heart on my sleeve—to get comfortable with small talk, to feel more at ease in large crowds, and to learn how to respond properly after someone compliments me. (Someone straight up told me my name matched my face and I had to fight the urge to scream.)
When the grand reveal of the night finally came along, I was significantly less nervous. True, some outliers were weird: someone hit on me and Nica right in front of his match. Others were feigning nonchalance in the corner, as if they didn’t pay a steep entrance fee like the rest of us. But thankfully, I didn’t have any of those problems with John.
According to my results, we would click because we were both “respectful of tradition, cooperative, and generally distrusting of other human beings.” The irony! While we didn’t get to broach those subjects, I did find out that night that we shared an alma mater and a sense of humor. Conversation effortlessly flowed from our friend groups to our favorite drinking places in Katipunan. In a surprising turn of events, he agreed to have our picture featured in this article, as long as I left him a good review.
My Sex and the City moment
Truth be told, singles mixers are stigmatized as a last-ditch attempt at finding happiness. Sometimes, they’re teeming with financial advisers or salesmen peddling their products to unsuspecting matches. Needless to say, Never Strangers was a pleasant surprise: one I’d recommend to anyone disillusioned by modern dating culture or in need of connections. These don’t have to be purely romantic ones, either!
The whole night, I was waiting for the voices of the Sex and the City girls to pop in my head, to point out that this was the lesson they wanted to instill in me with each episode. And when they finally did, I was surprised that it wasn’t during the moments I expected.
Instead, it was when Jāmme, Nica, and I were taking photos of every corner of the bar, screaming the lyrics to old songs at the top of our lungs. It was when we’d send side-eyes from across the room, and just know we had to extricate the other from an uncomfortable situation. Someone ended up asking if the three of us came together. After we shyly said no, she told us, “You look like you’re going to be friends for a very long time.”
While SATC spotlights the boys that cruise in and out of their lives, the critical eye will see that the girl gang is the core of the show. My Never Strangers experience was a necessary reminder that it is fun to put myself out there and meet members of the opposite sex. But also, I will never be this young again, placing my trust in complete strangers and seeing the risk blossom into new female friendships.
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Follow Never Strangers on Instagram and TikTok for updates on their next events.
