Breaking the ice: Tips for making good small talk during holiday gatherings
Making small talk during parties and get-togethers may seem like a small hurdle to overcome, but even those who are adept in conversations may find themselves tumbling over the pitfalls of talking with people outside your close circle.
Now that Christmas and New Year are right around the corner, chances are you’re invited to parties to celebrate the holidays. Whether you consider yourself a wallflower or a social butterfly, it’s always best to come prepared to engage with strangers.
PhilSTAR L!fe gathered insights from etiquette experts on ways you can make small talk with the people around you during gatherings this festive season.
Start with a compliment
Making compliments is an excellent way to break the ice according to Olen Juarez-Lim, a certified image, etiquette, civility, and protocol consultant and president of the Association of Image Consultants International.
For instance, you can start by praising the person’s outfit for the party with remarks such as “I love your holiday outfit—it’s so festive!” or “I love this color on you!” You can also point out how great the venue or food is.
“Compliments create an instant positive atmosphere and make the other person feel valued. Avoid generic phrases; be specific to show genuine interest,” Juarez-Lim said.
But be mindful that not every remark is taken as a positive compliment, such as saying “You look thinner now!” as it can unintentionally body shame and trigger insecurities.
Steer clear of personal or sensitive topics
If you don’t want the conversation to leave a bitter taste, it’s best to keep your mouth zipped for potentially uncomfortable subjects, such as weight, relationship status, or career achievements.
Juarez-Lim urged that you should instead ask about hobbies, travel plans, or holiday traditions as these “encourage engagement without touching on personal insecurities.”
In situations where you’re on the receiving end of intrusive questions, you can navigate around them by shifting the focus to a different topic that’s more neutral, using humor to diffuse awkwardness, giving a vague but polite response, setting boundaries, or thanking the person for their concern.
Ask open-ended questions
Another tip to remember is to ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
You can ask them about their favorite Christmas memory growing up, family traditions that they’re still practicing, or the best gift they’ve received this year.
“These questions make everyone feel valued and included, regardless of age or background,” Juarez-Lim said.
Show your excitement
Chatting with someone is always more enjoyable if you see that they are showing genuine enthusiasm in knowing what’s going on in your life.
Rita Linda Dayrit, a certified image consultant and the founder of RLDD Manners and Mindfulness Training Center, underscored adopting a positive attitude about the people you will meet.
“Remember that the very fact you are under one room means that you have something in common,” she said.
“Listen attentively to what the other person is saying. Many times we are busy thinking what to say next so we miss some information that the other person is sharing,” she added.
Have a topic in mind
As the saying goes, chance favors the prepared mind. So it’s best to have some topics ready if you’re going to talk to a person who you’re not sure shares the same interests as you.
Dayrit advised to “be familiar with current events, trends, movies, and books” as these can be a good way to connect with the person.
“Have at least three pieces of small talk prepared—Christmas gifts, decors, and your plans,” she said.
Another thing to be prepared for is your manners.
“Know your etiquette so that you can focus on enjoying the encounters with new friends rather than feeling anxious if what you’re doing is correct,” Dayrit said.
Be mindful of your appearance and approach
Having a little bit of confidence goes a long way when trying to get through a party full of strangers.
One of the factors that can help boost your appearance to others is having the right outfit.
“Make sure you are properly dressed for the occasion. Knowing that you look your best helps you navigate parties more confidently,” Dayrit stressed.
When you’ve finally found someone you’re comfortable having a conversation with, remember to make eye contact and smile at them. Use their name in the course of the conversation to show respect.
End conversations gracefully and positively
Small talk is no excuse for you to put a period on the conversation all willy-nilly. Juarez-Lim highlighted that it’s important that you wrap up conversations in a way that leaves a lasting positive impression.
You can end things by saying phrases like “It’s been so nice chatting with you—I learned so much about (topic). Let’s grab some dessert together later!” or “I’m so glad we got to catch up. Enjoy the rest of the party, and let’s plan to chat again soon!”
“These polite exits allow you to move on while leaving the other person feeling valued,” Juarez-Lim said.
