The A to Z of modern dating
The last thing I can claim to be an expert at is modern dating. There was a time when romance required only three things: courage, proper grooming, and enough time to burn the telephone lines after merely calling to check in. Today, courtship and dating feel more like science experiments conducted entirely on TikTok. And somewhere along the way, love stopped being simply love.
I did my utmost to learn Gen Z’s lingo, but still ended up like the girl at the end of Jason Derulo’s Talk Dirty, who said, “What? I don’t understand!”
So, in representation of an entire generation or two, I will attempt to enter the strange new world of Gen Z dating vocabulary and get out unscathed. Here goes nothing.
Attachment style. The modern explanation for everything. Nobody is simply distant anymore; they are “avoidant.” Nobody is needy; they are “anxiously attached.” Romance has turned into psychology with emojis.
Breadcrumbing. Giving someone just enough attention to keep hope alive. A reaction here. A late-night message there. An emotional trail mix. Pinoys would call it “paasa.”
Cushioning. Keeping potential romantic backups in reserve, like a slush fund, except with feelings.
Delulu. It sounds like a plushie, but it is actually short for “delusional.” Used affectionately to describe the belief that a casual interaction means kismet is at work. Social media has elevated wishful thinking into an art form.
Energy. The new catch-all explanation, where people no longer say someone is awkward, charming, or difficult. They simply discuss “energy.” Gary V. (Mr. Pure Energy) and Alvin Elchico (Energy, energy, energy!) are way ahead of their time.
Friendzone. One of the few dating terms that survived multiple generations (why? Because it’s witty.) It remains the place where romantic ambitions go to quietly retire.
Ghosting. Another vestige of the recent past that Gen Zers may describe as “old.” It is a disappearance without explanation. Once considered rude, it has become so common that many regard it as a standard stage of courtship. It also applies to non-romantic relationships.
Hard launch. Like an Elon Musk venture, this is the official unveiling of a relationship on social media, usually accompanied by carefully curated photographs and enthusiastic comments from friends.
Ick. A seemingly insignificant habit that instantly destroys attraction. The way someone laughs, texts, eats, or poses for photos. Entire romances have ended over less. Most likely evolved from “icky.”
JOMO. As the antithesis of FOMO, it is the Joy of Missing Out. Increasingly, people prefer peace and solitude over complicated romantic entanglements. A surprisingly attractive option, definitely positive energy.
Kilig. Quaint, but still effective. It is that fluttering mix of excitement, anticipation, and irrational happiness that accompanies attraction. This is the Filipino contribution to the global vocabulary of romance that continues to befuddle foreigners.
Love bombing. Overwhelming someone with attention, affection, and grand gestures at the start of a relationship. It lies somewhere between “smothering” and “stalking” and feels like a fairy tale until it starts to feel like a desperate sales pitch.
Main character energy. By treating one’s romantic life like a Netflix series, every coffee shop visit becomes a scene, every movement passes by in slow motion, and every playlist turns into a soundtrack.
Nonchalant. When someone appears emotionally unaffected. The less interested someone seems, the more intriguing they often become. In earlier days, this would fall under reverse psychology. Old-timers would even term it “pakipot.”
The technology and terminology may have changed, but young people are still searching for the same thing their parents and grandparents sought: the courage to simply say, ‘I like you. Let’s see where this goes.’
Orbiting. When someone stops communicating but continues liking posts, viewing stories, and monitoring your digital life from afar. A digital haunting eerily similar to stalking.
Protecting my peace. It is a phrase I’m hearing more frequently, especially among Gen Zers during water-cooler banter, as they justify avoiding stress, conflict, or drama. Sometimes wise. Sometimes merely convenient.
Quiet quitting. Now, this one has been around for some time, but rarely labeled. It is remaining in a relationship physically but not emotionally, a sneaky tactic to break up, but letting the other person end it so that you remain the “good guy.”
Rizz. Short for charisma, or the ability to attract romantic interest through charm, confidence, or smooth conversation. Some people are born with it. Others watch tutorials and hope for the best.
Situationship. This is the favorite of fence sitters, those who cannot decide if they want romance or merely friendship. A prolonged state of romantic ambiguity where everyone has feelings but nobody has definitions. It often ends in the friend zone.
Talking stage. This is the period before a relationship officially exists. It often involves daily conversations, emotional investment, and mutual interest, without labels.
Unavailable. The paradox of modern attraction, where emotionally inaccessible people often attract the most attention. Much like nonchalant, it is surprisingly common in popular culture, with entire K-dramas built around it.
Vibes. The universal explanation for compatibility. “The vibes were off” can now justify anything from a cancelled date to a breakup.
Walking green flag. Someone who displays basic decency, consistency, and emotional maturity. Remarkably rare for a concept based on common sense.
Exes watching stories. This is a creepy ritual. Really. No messages. No interaction. Just silent observation from a safe distance by your ex. Rule of thumb: unfriend the bastard at first blush for reeking of stalker vibes.
You Up?” This may be the defining text message of the smartphone era: two words capable of changing the course of an evening or ending a relationship.
Zombieing. You just have to love this word; when someone who ghosted you returns months later as though nothing happened. The relationship may be dead, but apparently not dead enough.
The technology and terminology may have changed, but young people are still searching for the same thing their parents and grandparents sought: sincerity, consistency, clarity, effort, excellent listening skills, integrity, and the courage to simply say, “I like you. Let’s see where this goes.”
Everything else is just negative energy.
