Simple rules of etiquette and kindness at dinners
Many of us receive dinner invitations, whether for work, business or personal occasions. Today’s two questions focus on similar yet different circumstances, but what will always work is making a sincere effort to put others at ease.
After all, someone once said that “the essence of proper etiquette is making others feel at ease.”
Q: Dear Miss Joy,
I am a marketing executive at a TV production company, a job that frequently requires me to attend formal functions with my immediate boss. While I relish the opportunity to meet industry bigwigs, I’d like to feel more at ease navigating the business and social scene as part of my work. Can you get me up to speed on the rules of social etiquette? — Social Newbie
A: Here are five rules to remember:
- Dress appropriately for the occasion. For formal occasions, the “little black dress” that flatters your figure without showing too much skin remains the safest choice. A classic blazer suit worn with pants or a dress is another safe option.
- Be punctual. Show respect for other people’s time by arriving early or on time.
- Use polite language. It’s always better to say “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me” to express respect and gratitude.
- Keep your phone out of sight. At a formal dinner, put your phone away to give others your full attention.
- Listen and maintain eye contact. Give the person you’re conversing with your full attention and try not to interrupt while they are speaking.
CONTINUE READING BELOW
* * *
Q: Dear Miss Joy,
A business colleague has invited me to a dinner she is hosting for a small group of friends. Is there something I can bring that she would appreciate? — Lisa
A: Wine is a customary gift, but it’s almost certain that the host has already selected both red and white wines for the occasion. Since flowers are often a crowd-pleaser, why not give her a lovely bouquet of colorful blooms? Flowers are a sweet and safe token of your thoughtfulness.
Your presence at intimate dinners and other exclusive gatherings will be better appreciated when you remember these 10 rules of kindness:
- Don’t mark your arrival with a negative opening such as, “Oh my God, the traffic was horrible!” Instead, start with a warm greeting: “I’m so happy to see you! You have a lovely place!”
- Don’t pause to check your phone at the door. Look up and smile as you walk in. Stay calm and relaxed so others feel at ease, too.
- Instead of sitting down the moment you reach the table, wait for the host to say, “Please take a seat.”
- Rise from your seat when greeting or shaking hands with another guest. If you’re close to the person, you may even exchange a light kiss on the cheek (beso-beso).
- Wait to be spoken to in formal settings.
- Maintain eye contact when shaking hands.
- Ask about others before talking about yourself.
- Walk beside your guest, not in front of them.
- Speak only when you have something meaningful to add.
- When it’s time to leave, don’t simply say, “Okay, bye!” Instead, address the person by name and offer an enthusiastic farewell: “It was good to see you, Jason!”
- You can also mention something specific you remember, such as, “Good luck with your trip to Europe next week!”
When you are the host at home, here are some rules of etiquette to remember:
- Don’t apologize for your home or your cooking. Say instead, “I’m so glad you’re here!”
- Don’t leave any guest standing alone. Introduce guests to one another and mention something they have in common.
- Don’t ask, “What do you want to drink?” without offering choices. Instead, ask, “Would you like wine or juice?”
- Don’t say, “No, no, it’s okay,” when someone offers to help. Give them a chance to do something simple, such as serving dessert.
- Don’t make a fuss when a guest spills or breaks something. Say, “Don’t worry, it happens,” and get a towel or napkin yourself.
- Don’t assume that guests are comfortable around your pets. Ask, “Are you okay with dogs?” when inviting them over.
WATCH: Can you still trust someone who betrayed you? (Generations Ep. 22)
September 23, 2026