Who should pay on the first date? Here's what experts say
You just had an enjoyable evening with someone you're starting to like. Now, the question is: Who should pay the bill on your first date? You, or the one who asked you out? Would it be best to just split the bill between the two of you?
This has been a longstanding discussion among people in the dating scene. Just recently, a post about a guy who asked his date for her share of their P7,000 bill sparked conversations on social media. As seen in a screenshot of their chat, the former initially said it was on him, but he changed his mind when the girl ordered too much food and even had takeout food for her dog.
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In the caption of the anonymous post, the girl said it was the guy who initiated the date and asked if it was "normal."
"Sabi niya kasi sakin eh libre naman daw niya po ako. Manliligaw ko po siya and 'di ako yung nagyaya. Siya din nag-decide kung saan kami kakain pero parang naparami nga ata 'yung mga inorder ko," she admitted. "First time makakain ng medium rare na steak kaya inabuso ko na. 'Di ko akalain[g] aabot ng ganyan 'yung bill."
"Dapat ko po ba syang hatian sa bills? Or ighost ko na lang? 'Di ko lang 'to napagbigyan sa kiss nung hinatid ako, biglang nag-iba ihip ng hangin eh," the girl said.
The page where it was posted revealed that the guy has seen the post and sent the official receipt for the dinner to them. They said the guy also mentioned that they stopped dating, and the girl "never paid a dime."
Social media users react
The conversation, which now has almost 90,000 hits as of writing, drew various reactions from social media users.
One user said if you ask someone to eat outside, you should shoulder the expenses. But if someone offers to treat you to a meal, you should "pick the cheapest one out on the menu."
"Konting delikadesa na rin," they added. "Kaya laging tandaan, let’s be considerate and think how people [are] going to react to our actions. Sa panahon pa naman ngayon, hindi na sapat ang [P1,000] for grocery."
"Ang sabi, date. Hindi Last Supper. Nag-takeout ka pa talaga," another one said. "May limit ang libre. Hindi porket libre, abusado."
"'Pag ako nililibre, palagi ko [na lang] sinasabi na bahala [na lang] siya kung ano order niya. 'Yun na lang," a user commented.
Experts weigh in
According to Rita Linda Dayrit, a certified image consultant and the founder of RLDD Manners and Mindfulness Training Center, payment preferences on the first date are "not necessary," especially on a first date. However, she highlighted that the one who initiated the date should be the one to foot the bill.
"In our culture, it's usually the man who invites the woman to go out with him. Thus, he assumes the responsibility of paying. The woman may (but not insist to) throw in the tip money but this is not necessary especially on the first date," she told PhilSTAR L!fe.
She added, "If the couple continues to date, then she may start offering to pick the tab or split it."
Olen Juarez-Lim—a certified image, etiquette, civility, and protocol consultant and the first Asian president of the Association of Image Consultants International and OJL Consulting Group—agreed. She pointed out how dating etiquette has evolved. If you are both employed, many people prefer a "more balanced approach" while upholding the importance of being mindful of each person's comfort level and expectations.
"In my view, a modern approach is to let the invitation set the tone. If someone initiates the date, it's kind to offer to pay, but it's equally polite for the other person to offer to contribute. Flexibility and open-mindedness are essential in creating an enjoyable experience for both people," she told L!fe.
"The best rule would be whoever invites, pays. The problem will happen if you have certain expectations in your mind that are not communicated, and when it's time to settle the bill, that's where situations happen," she added.
For Dayrit, payment arrangements could influence the overall experience of the date. She believes that a couple can only talk too much about splitting the bill when they are already in a relationship as some may put on a front and show that they are generous and/or have enough money for expensive dates.
"It is quite difficult to treat the first date as a way of gauging compatibility, including financial attitudes. At most what you can gauge are dining etiquette, conversational skills, clothing style and chivalry," she explained. "Money is an important matter and should be openly discussed when the couple is thinking of getting very serious in the relationship."
Juarez-Lim, however, said there's no "one-size-fits-all" rule when it comes to paying for the first date. "For some, paying the entire bill feels like a thoughtful gesture that shows interest, while others feel more comfortable splitting the cost, especially on a first date when both people may still be getting to know each other."
For her, the best approach is the one that feels fair for both people.
"Splitting the bill or offering to cover a portion—like drinks or dessert—can help avoid assumptions and set a balanced, respectful tone. By handling it this way, both individuals show that they're willing to put equal effort and care into the interaction," she said. "So if someone asks me to go out, for example, and I will offer to pay to split the bill and they insist on paying, I will let them. But I will say coffee is on me."
Communication is key
Discussing payment preferences before a date can be awkward, but it is important. According to Juarez-Lim, it's a good way to set clear expectations and avoid any awkwardness later on.
"Mabuti na ang maliwanag," she said. "This doesn't have to be a serious or uncomfortable conversation—it can be as simple as saying, 'How do you usually like to handle the check? Or perhaps say are you treating?' This way, both people feel prepared and can enjoy the date without any concerns about who's going to pay."
"Having this brief chat beforehand can show maturity and respect, and it's often appreciated as a thoughtful gesture," she explained.
Dating, after all, can already be awkward in itself. So, why not limit conversations about money casually to avoid complicating things further?
"Communicating your preferences and expectations beforehand can be incredibly helpful in setting a comfortable foundation for the date. It's not necessary to lay out every detail, but a brief discussion about the general plan and how you both typically handle costs can help prevent awkward moments and show mutual respect. This kind of clarity can help you both feel relaxed and focused on enjoying each other's company rather than worrying about logistics," she said.
Both Dayrit and Juarez-Lim noted that understanding each other's financial attitudes, habits, and manners can lead to a more harmonious and fulfilling partnership.
"Simple gestures—such as listening attentively, showing appreciation, and being respectful in conversation—speak volumes about your character," Juarez-Lim said.
"Manners also play a huge role in making a good impression on a first date," added Dayrit. "They reflect if you are trustworthy and competent, so be mindful of your clothing, body language, and tonality."
