How to survive Christmas when you’re broke and falling behind
Every week, PhilSTAR L!fe explores issues and topics from the perspectives of different age groups, encouraging healthy but meaningful conversations on why they matter. This is Generations by our Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez.
Consumerism might be as central to Christmas season as Jesus Himself. A 2023 study by remittance firm WorldRemit says that a typical middle-class Filipino family would spend roughly P35,000 for the holiday season. Considering how elaborate celebrations can get on our side of the world, I think that’s a gross underestimation.
We’re expected to give out extravagant presents to our loved ones, book tickets to both domestic and international destinations, and attend a series of potluck reunions, where the go-to topic of discussion is ironically what we do for a living. Some brands even capitalize on this with dual-purpose ad campaigns that drive us to tears and subliminally push products.
Honestly, this isn’t a bad thing. I would be a hypocrite to imply that gift-giving or going on holiday has ruined the spirit of Christmas and then ask you all to imagine all future celebrations without them. But it would also be inaccurate of me to gloss over the social pressures that may arise as a result.
While this is practically a staple of Filipino festivities, Gen Z seem to be hit especially hard: “Growing up in a world shaped by social media, where everyone seems to be living their best and happiest lives, it’s no wonder they feel this constant pressure to appear well-off and successful during the holidays,” Mariel Almiranez, a licensed psychologist with a focus on anxiety and stress management, tells PhilSTAR L!fe.
If traditional life timelines are to be followed, our generation has more or less reached a certain tenure in the workplace by this stage, which means using our “adult money” to enjoy the fruits of our labor. But if we have yet to reach this point in our careers, we may end up living beyond our means until we’ve officially broken the bank, or engaging in self-pity in the aftermath. Of course, we have to join the girls’ trip to Taiwan or Thailand, or contribute an overpriced Instagrammable dessert to the potluck. But, is time spent keeping up appearances, time worth spending?
“Constantly engaging in social comparison can send us spiraling down, fueling feelings of self-consciousness, insecurity, jealousy, and loneliness,” life coach Angel Umali explains to L!fe. “Regardless of whether it’s the holidays or not, having this weakness will leave us feeling challenged and lost, no matter what our circumstances are.”
Aside from the harsh expectations we force ourselves to meet, comparing where we stand against those around us can put a strain on even the strongest ties. Filipinos aren’t exactly known for being the most confrontational or direct: Close friends or family members are not exempted from skirting around difficult topics, like religious beliefs, political affiliations, and yes, finances or lack thereof.
Reasons may vary from person to person, but the cultural concept of “hiya” is a safe bet: We are reared to always put our best foot forward. If not for us, then at least, for our family’s sake. Back in the day, nothing said shame quite like admitting our weaknesses. And for some reason, to them, there seemed to be nothing more embarrassing than not having enough money.
It’s only human, then, to harbor grudges against those who can be more reckless with their spending. “These can also rob us of the chance to create lasting and fulfilling relationships,” Umali elaborates. “No one wants to be around someone who desires what they don’t have and ultimately resents those who do.” What’s difficult is that we know it’s not something to be proud of: Who would want to be a grinch towards those we love and cherish, during a season characterized by abundance and joy?
Such complex feelings honestly can’t be addressed by empty platitudes, like “stop comparing” or “be grateful.” It feels offensive to hear it from those better off than us, like we can just self-actualize ourselves out of structural problems and limitations. But what can help is cultivating a mindset of compassion: “acknowledging our emotions and treating ourselves with understanding when things get tough,” as Almiranez suggests. It is only human to desire what we lack, after all.
If we’re fortunate enough to be on the other side of this story, may this be a reminder of the struggles that our friends don’t discuss. Try implementing simple traditions that don’t require much effort and expense. “Whether it’s cooking a special meal together, sharing stories, or just hanging out and watching your favorite holiday movies, there really is nothing that beats quality time with loved ones,” Almiranez says. DIY presents also scream personalization, without having to pinch pennies.
It’s worth remembering that even friends who have our best interests at heart won’t be able to sense our financial troubles if we don’t lay them out in the open. Just because they love us doesn’t mean they’re mind readers. If we can’t bring ourselves to set clear boundaries in terms of how much we’re willing to spend or share about our lives, my controversial take would be to reassess if these are the kind of people worth surrounding ourselves with.
When I was still in college, I surprisingly ended up in a barkada of people who lived very luxuriously. I have fortunately never had to worry about my finances but at that time, I was living on a regular student’s allowance. Yet, I could never protest their plans of eating at a steakhouse on a school night or buying last-minute VIP concert tickets to a foreign country when we were supposed to be taking notes in class. That’s when I realized that they just weren’t my crowd.
Money is always going to be a touchy subject in any relationship: Having too little fuels our fear of leeching off those we love, while having too much makes splurging the tiniest luxury feel like insensitivity. But that’s honestly what Christmas advocates for, from a totally secular point of view: opening ourselves up to those we love, accepting one another for who we are and what we have, and realizing that the list of things to be grateful for goes beyond what is material.
Generations by Angel Martinez appears weekly at PhilSTAR L!fe.
