Ang Pasko ay sumabit
Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la. Except in Metro Manila, where we must endure the season as traffic turns increasingly worse.
Welcome to the holidays in the merriest, most maddening place on Earth. It’s a time of joy, giving, and gridlock, where roads transform into parking lots in a spectacle that defies logic. As Dr. Emmett Brown might say to Marty McFly if they were in Manila, “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads; we have traffic jams.”
The chaos starts early, around mid-November, when Jose Mari Chan battles Mariah Carey for playlist supremacy. Intersections become battlegrounds, side streets resemble war zones, parking space hunting develops into a competitive sport, and commuting turns into a real-life ghost story. Cue the ride-sharing apps—your modern lifeline. Or not.
During the holidays, booking a ride is an exercise in futility. You’ll spend ages watching drivers meander aimlessly or cancel at the last minute. If one does show up, he’s either a delightful storyteller or a character fit for a true-crime podcast. Motorcycle rides, while faster, offer their own thrills: the December breeze in your hair, smog in your lungs, and your life flashing before your eyes as your rider shows off by squeezing between two buses.
This is when you dream of cities like Tokyo, with trains that apologize for being early, or Seoul, with its spotless, efficient subway. In contrast, the MRT offers a roulette of delays, broken air conditioning, and breakdowns mid-journey. For Metro Manila commuters, every ride is a test of patience—and bladder control.
Drivers aren’t spared either. I’ve mastered traffic survival by avoiding diuretics, limiting water intake, and carrying an emergency urinal. Classical music helps keep my chakras open to endure the pains of driving. Consider that my 27-kilometer office-to-home route takes less time than a 5.6-kilometer drive from BGC to Ayala during the Christmas rush. Rain checks from Quezon City friends? Completely expected, so also set your expectations low for invitees from Alabang or farther south if the venue is in Pasig or upward.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” Gandalf the Grey said this to Frodo Baggins in The Fellowship of the Rings. My version is, “All we have to decide is how to avoid holiday traffic stress,” sadly because the time that is given to us only goes to waiting and cursing everything and everyone but Santa.
So, what’s the solution? Creativity is key. Drive at 2 a.m. (trucks permitting), carpool like sardines (with your uncles in the trunk and your cousins tethered to the roof rack), or brave walking through uneven sidewalks, oblivious pedestrians, and surprise manholes. Helicopters are an option—if you’re a tycoon. For the rest of us, staying home like Scrooge might be the sanest plan. Anyway, we’re used to online shopping and streaming services.
For those with means, escaping the chaos entirely is tempting. Spend the season in Finland’s Santa Claus Village, ski in Switzerland while waiting for the aurora borealis to make a show, or soak in a Japanese onsen. But beware: Traveling during the holidays has its downsides.
For one, airports in December are just a different flavor of chaos. It’s like NAIA, but with more accents and longer immigration lines. Missed flights, overbooked hotels, and unhelpful, cantankerous airline staff add layers of stress that make you question why you even left home.
Then there’s the existential dread of spending Christmas away from loved ones. Sure, you’re having a great time dog-sledding in a Montreal ski resort, but nothing quite fills the void of absent lechon, noche buena, and your tita’s relentless questioning of your love life or sexuality. Plus, you’ll inevitably get tagged in social media photos of family parties back home, where everyone looks unusually happy without you.
Still, for many, the trade-off is worth it: clear roads, new sights, and no judgment when you go home without any presents; after all, you already brought pasalubong.
Then, just like that, Christmas ends. But Metro Manila’s traffic? It’s the gift that keeps on giving. As the new year begins, we hope for promised infrastructure projects, like the mythical Metro Manila Subway.
Until then, let’s brace ourselves for another year of crawling commutes, outrageous survival strategies, sleazy ride-sharing adventures, and envious thoughts of Christmas getaways. As memes indicate, Jose Mari Chan simply slinks back behind the frame but never really goes away. After all, Christmas is always just around the corner for many Filipinos.
