Flex culture: When is it acceptable, and when does it become problematic?
In today’s digital age, it’s not unusual to see posts that are meant to capture attention or impress others through what we now know as "flexing." It can be a luxury bag, a fitness milestone, or a meal from a nice restaurant. While posting about these things is perfectly acceptable, it can also cross the line and become problematic.
In the 11th episode of PhilSTAR L!fe's Generations podcast, veteran journalist Luchi Cruz-Valdes, Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez, and TV and radio personality Sam YG talked about flex culture and how it shapes the way Filipinos present themselves online.
Why do people flex on social media?
Sam, Luchi, and Angel agreed that flexing goes beyond material things as it can also exist in one's milestones, romantic relationships, and even within families, such as during reunions where relatives showcase their children’s talents.
At some point in the podcast, the hosts were joined by psychologist Jan Patrick Magpantay, who explained why some individuals flex on social media.
"Flexing allows people to curate how they present themselves. Posting achievements or lifestyle highlights can shape an ideal identity," he said.
Magpantay also pointed out one's strong need for validation. "Positive feedback like reactions, share counts, even comments, activates the brain reward system."
Social comparison could also be behind flex culture. “It is human nature that people naturally evaluate themselves against others,” he said. “Flexing can signal success, status, or belonging within a group.”
Inspiring vs 'bad' flex
Sam highlighted how social media often works like a public display of one’s life. “We wanna show people our best side, na we made it, we’re doing well in life. We hardly see the hardships,” he said.
For him, it becomes acceptable depending on context and intent. "It's important to understand ano ba 'yung value ng money or ng item sa 'yo," he said.
He cited as an example a social media post about someone being able to afford a business class seat after working hard for 15 years.
"I didn't find it mayabang. Parang I resonated so much kasi for some people, a business class seat could be easily purchased. But for another person, it's worth 15 years," he said.
"'Yung flexing acceptable if may context, or may explanation as to why you deserve it," Angel chimed in.
More than the feel-good moment, Angel added that flexing can also open opportunities, especially for those who are building a career in content creation.
"Lalo na 'yung fashion/lifestyle influencers, they started with showing the content of their closet, how they wear it, and then all of a sudden brands approach them. So, parang may incentive din to present yourself a certain way kasi you wouldn't be able to unlock these opportunities kung inuna mo 'yung pagiging mahiyain," she added.
For Luchi, flexing isn't inspiring when it comes from oneself.
"I really believe in a traditional journalistic work kasi kami, kapag magaling ang tao, iinterviewhin namin 'yan. He doesn't have to display it," she said. "I think that the true inspiring stories are told by a third person, not you."
Luchi touched on how flexing can affect viewers. "'Di mo ma-help 'yung inggit eh. It makes it very bad because ang feeling ng marami tuloy, 'yan ang norm eh," she said.
Angel echoed this, adding that it makes one's expectations unrealistic. "Parang tumataas na 'yung benchmark to the point na parang nagiging unrealistic na 'yung expectations. Parang feeling mo ito 'yung normal and that you're just falling behind," she said.
Setting boundaries
For Angel, it’s just as important to know why we, as viewers, tend to feel envious when someone is posting about the best parts of their lives online. "Is there something for us to work on also? Maybe we shouldn't look at it from the point of insecurity," she said.
The Gen Z writer also suggested understanding why someone would “flex” something online. "Maybe the key is to just be open to understanding why, kasi everyone has a story why they post something on social media," she said.
If someone’s flexing is triggering for you, it’s good to set personal boundaries. "As a receiver, if it's already affecting your mental health, feeling mo the post of this person is creating a negative impact on you, protect your peace," said Sam.
Luchi added that part of managing how we consume content is being intentional and mindful of what we allow to influence us.
"At the end of the day, it should be what you can learn from yourself, your reactions, and from other people's flexes," she said. "You're in charge of your knowledge, how much you feed into your own soul."
Watch the episode below:
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