Miriam Quiambao recalls dealing with suicidal thoughts, bipolar disorder after failed marriage

Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of suicide and other mental health problems.

Former beauty queen and television personality Miriam Quiambao recalled having suicidal thoughts and getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder after her first marriage ended on a bitter note.

In an interview with Toni Gonzaga on Aug. 18, Quiambao looked back on the height of her career after emerging as the runner-up of Miss Universe 1999. These include commercial deals and hosting stints at GMA Network for shows like Unang Hirit and Extra, Extra (which became Extra Challenge).

While she was enjoying the limelight, Quiambao said she still felt empty and thought starting a family would give meaning to her life.

"I was looking for meaning and searching. Sabi ko, siguro magkakaroon ng meaning ang buhay ko kapag meron na akong pamilya. Or asawa."

"'Yung Italian boyfriend, nung nagpropose siya sa akin, iniwan ko ang lahat," she said, referring to ex-husband Claudio Rondinelli. They got married in 2004.

"I moved to Hong Kong," she noted, leaving behind her family and career in the Philippines. "Siyempre, nung simula, happy-happy. I was with the love of my life and everything was new and he was providing this luxurious lifestyle."

But when the reality hit after the so-called honeymoon stage, Quiambao said, it was when problems arose.

"Hindi namin pinag-uusapan. Para lang namin winawalis sa ilalim ng carpet pero andoon pa rin ang dumi," she said. "It led to the breakdown of our marriage."

Quiambao then recalled Rondinelli talking with a friend in Italian about no longer wearing his wedding band, unaware that she can understand them.

Their dysfunctional marriage resulted in her falling into depression. "If I stayed in that marriage, I felt like I was going to die and shrivel into nothing," she said.

One day, Quiambao recalled Rondinelli calling her saying he spoke with a lawyer and wanted a divorce. When they talked at home, Quiambao asked him why and if there's someone else, and he admitted to falling in love with a "much younger woman."

That was when Quiambao opted to go back to the Philippines instead of fighting for the marriage. They called it quits in 2010.

Still, she's "devastated" with the aftermath of her marriage. "Ang taas-taas ng expectation ko, tapos ganito. I was suicidal, I was ultra-depressed," she said, adding she got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. "I just wanted to end my life."

As she started to move on, Quiambao said GMA offered her another show, Pinoy Meets World. "That kinda kept me busy, distracted from my own problems, allowed me to earn my own keep," she said.

She also posed for Playboy Magazine as showbiz offers were growing scarce. But her decision to pose for the men's magazine earned the ire of her father and the World Vision Development Foundation, a Christian humanitarian organization. (Quiambao is a devout Christian.)

That made her reflect on her life choices and realize she needs faith. "Noon, I used to be so sure of every step that I would make. I was so confident. But when all of this happened, parang wala na... I had to go back to, 'Paano nga ba ako naging successful noon? Ah, si God pala,'" she said.

She also recalled worshipping money and fame as her "god," even her ex-husband and herself that she no longer prayed.