Taken but still learning: Couples share lessons they've picked up from single people
We often think of relationship advice as something that comes from people who have been there—those who have experienced love, heartbreak, and everything in between. But what if some of the best lessons about being in a relationship actually come from people who aren't in one?
Single people are often praised for knowing how to enjoy their own company and building fulfilling lives outside romance. And for those who are married or have been with their partners for years, these are lessons worth learning, too.
Avei Faye Umali and her partner, Lean Paolo, were together for eight years before tying the knot two and a half years ago. She describes Lean as her “home”—a place where she feels "safe, secure, complete, happy, and every good emotion you can name."
"But it’s not just about the happy feelings; [he's] also a space where I can be completely vulnerable because I know we’ve always got each other’s backs,” she said.
But even with a relationship as fulfilling as theirs, Avei believes there's still plenty to learn from people who are single. According to her, the biggest lesson she has picked up from her single friends can be summed up in one word: SMILE.
“S” is for stability, which means keeping a steady mindset across all areas of life. “M” stands for manifesting—bringing good things into reality through genuine effort and positive energy, and "I" is for individuality.
"[They] always remind me to never take myself for granted and to keep ‘dating’ myself, so that when I come home to my partner, I’m bringing a full, happy person into our marriage,” Avei highlighted, adding that "L" is for living life and "E" for “every day with a smile.”
“They taught me that starting the morning with a simple smile can instantly uplift your whole day,” Avei said.
When it comes to what makes a relationship healthy, she said that her single friends have taught her that it’s when “you can sleep peacefully at night without any stress or overthinking, feeling genuinely happy with zero second thoughts.”
“An unhealthy one is when you start losing your own identity and forgetting who you are just because you fell in love with someone else,” she said.
My single friends always remind me to never take myself for granted and to keep ‘dating’ myself, so that when I come home to my partner, I’m bringing a full, happy person into our marriage. — Avei
Love isn't a guessing game
Even after almost 10 years together, James Paul Gomez and his partner Hannah Cruz are still very much head over heels for each other.
“[Back then], we believed loving someone only involved constant happiness (na para bang puppy love lang), but we later realized it takes far more than that,” he said. “We need to factor in our actions. Love requires conscious effort.”
One lesson he learned stuck with him the most is learning to communicate his feelings so Hannah doesn’t have to guess what’s on his mind.
“She’s not a mind reader, after all. Every time I ask my single friends for relationship advice, they always point out that I just need to communicate how I feel,” he shared.
Open communication keeps minor issues from escalating, helping couples remember they are two distinct individuals who shouldn't try to own or change each other.
"We’ve simply entered into a special commitment of love together. As a couple, we shouldn’t try to change each other. We don’t own our partners,” he emphasized.
Love yourself first
After seven years together—a romance that began in the summer of 2019—Marvic Ponti proposed to Alexia Orge during a romantic trip to Palawan. Just days before popping the question, Marvic reconnected with his elementary school friends, all of whom happened to be single.
“The dating scene can be so exhausting,” he found out. “That’s no dig at anyone looking for true love, but [hearing what they go through] made me value my relationship even more.”
As someone who had been single himself, Marvic learned that self-love is needed in order to steer your relationship into a healthy one.
“A healthy relationship starts with a healthy relationship with yourself. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself, if you don't have self-respect,” he stressed. “[It] starts with knowing, accepting, and loving oneself rather than looking for a partner to ‘complete’ an empty space.”
On the other hand, his single friends also taught him the importance of recognizing red flags instead of allowing strong feelings to cloud one's judgment. He recalled a friend who recently ended a long-term relationship, only for them to realize that there had been glaring warning signs from the very beginning. While the couple had learned to compromise and love each other, Marvic said the issues they overlooked eventually took a toll on their relationship.
“Sometimes, people settle for less or sometimes people hold too much even if it costs their personal peace and the relationship is anxiety-inducing,” he said.
Keeping the love alive
For Avei, James, and Marvic, sustaining a long-term relationship relies on mutual respect, realistic expectations, and treating your partner as an equal.
Avei emphasizes that a thriving marriage requires honoring each other's differences: “It's an equal partnership where no one's voice or needs overshadow the other's.”
James agreed, noting that love isn't always a 50/50 split—it’s about "showing up when the other person needs someone" without expecting them to complete you or trying to "redesign" who they are.
Meanwhile, Marvic highlighted the importance of attacking the problem rather than the person during arguments, compromising, and staying best friends.
“We communicate early on if something doesn't feel right so we would know if we're doing something na di pala gusto ng isa. If we still have disagreements, we compromise until we meet the middle ground or what works,” he said.
His advice for new couples is simple: maintain your individuality, communicate early, and never stop dating each other.
“Love is fun, so give and take. Keep dating. Hindi porket kayo na, ligawan will stop,” he advised.