Marriage is a marathon
Love is in the air and I thought this would be a fitting subject to share. My husband Anthony and I decided to write our book meant to be for our 25th year anniversary, but it took so long that we ended up launching it on our 30th year.
Now in our 32nd year together, we realize the importance of taking time out to really prepare for marriage. While it is, of course, so nice to prepare for the wedding day, the reality is that it lasts only for a day while your marriage is meant to keep you together forever and it starts immediately the day after all the festivities. That is when reality strikes!
A lifetime with someone means a whole new world of adjusting and if you are not prepared for it, you are actually entering a disaster. Having run marathons around the world together, we realized that the same principles of preparing, training, running and recovering from marathons apply in a marriage and also for a well-lived life. My husband always shares this in his training seminars, “If you fail to plan, you will plan to fail.”
You don’t just finish a marathon without training for it ... and you cannot run your next one if you did not recover well from your last race. Running 42 kilometers within a cut-off period is not only about physical strength, it is, in many ways, a mental challenge.
Your body will want to stop running at several points but a focused mindset will enable you to take another step. You cannot also discount the need to call out to God because everything in you will eventually tire out and find the need for Him during the most grueling part of the race, especially when you are almost done and near the finish line.
There is a what a lot of people call a “wall” and when you hit it, you will question yourself as to why you are in that race, what the point of it all is, and if it’s even still worth it to go to the finish line. If you get past this though, it is a sweet finish and you will want to savor every minute of having crossed that line. The funny thing is that if you finish, no matter what challenges you went through in the course, you will enter a state of bliss and then start thinking about what next race to sign up for!
It is the same for marriage. You cannot just expect to have a good “run” in your marriage if you have no clue of what you have just gotten yourself into and how to navigate through the trials and truly live out the triumphs you face together. The more you know, the more you will find reasons to stay and get much better at living out the married life together.
We asked all our children to write their thoughts about our book in the Foreword section and we gave them freedom to write whatever they felt was authentic, based on how they witnessed our journey.
Here is an entry from Ella who wrote it before she got married:
‘‘I have always admired how my parents have been able to last 30 years throughout the ups and downs. I witnessed a lot of their challenges; but still, they made it through.
‘‘I am about to get married myself, so I definitely think it’s important for me to get ahold of this book. As I prepare for my own wedding, I think it’s just as important to prepare for the marriage; after all, that’s what I’m really doing all of this for. I want to be able to have a marriage that lasts. Of course, I’ve never done it before and don’t know what it’s going to be like. It will be a whole new experience for me. So, it is important for me to be able to get this wealth of wisdom, especially from a couple that I admire myself.
‘‘It’s also wonderful to be able to learn from the journeys of other couples and see how they’ve done in their marriage and be able to pick up what would be relevant for mine. It’s refreshing to be assured that I don’t have to go through all of these by myself. I get to benefit from mentors, coaches and, of course, divine intervention.’’
I love how this book puts together answers to many things someone like me would need to know. I’m just about to start my “marathon,” and I’m really grateful that this book is part of my preparation.
Here is another one from our youngest son Benjamin:
‘‘Yes, there is a lot of excitement in a marriage; but I have also seen its ups and downs. I’ve seen the hardships, but I’ve also seen the importance of going through those hardships; because when you go through the situation properly, you come out of those situations better and stronger together. And so, yes, it’s tough and it’s hard; and yes, there are low moments; but those low moments allow you to come out as stronger people together—and that’s why I think people should read this book (Marriage is a Marathon).’’
We tried our best to keep things simple for people to understand and apply so we presented these concepts that spell out MARATHON as chapters in our book:
- Make the Decision
- Allow Time for Preparation
- Review the Route
- Ask Those Who Have Gone Before you
- Take Your Loved Ones with You
- Have More in Your Agenda Than Just Finishing
- Open Your Heart and Mind to Surprises
- Never Forget to Rely on Divine Power to Help You Finish Strong.’’
From interest to intention. From intention to execution. From execution to completion. From whispering a prayer to crying out loud. This is what marathons, marriages and manuscripts for marriage books are all about.
In our book, we do our best to cover the experience, from start to finish, from the highs and lows, from motivation to desperation. Regardless of your current standing—50 years married, going on silver, taking one last chance to revive your relationship, starting up to simply dreaming about it—we know there will be helpful, inspiring and liberating stuff for you to consider.
Journey with us through Marriage is a Marathon.
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Available at anthonyandmaricel.com.
