Beyond the rainbow flag: 7 meaningful ways to be an ally to the queer community

What does being an ally mean?

Being a supporter can mean a lot of things, but for transwoman beauty queen Paula Asis, it is trying to make the world a “better or beautiful place for people who identify as LGBTQIA+.” 

She said that an ally is “someone who stands up for support and encourages the people around them.” 

Transman and LGBTQ+ rights advocate Kevin Ampil shares this view, stating that a genuine supporter is someone who fully accepts queer individuals for who they are, who they love, and how they choose to express themselves.

“You stand with them in their fight towards achieving equal rights, even if you don’t gain from it. Simply believing that they should have equal rights means a lot,” he said.

Queer Filipino film director Onat Diaz, meanwhile, believes that an ally “fully understands and is always conscious and aware” that the queer people in their lives are part of a marginalized group. 

“They know that being a non-LGBTQ+ affords them rights and privileges that are not enjoyed by their LGBTQ friends or family, and that they constantly strive or at least aspire to correct this inequality,” he said.

Diaz, who is married to his same-sex partner, recently shared that he had an experience of genuine allyship when a doctor’s assistant asked for his civil status during a clinic visit. Since the Philippines doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage, he explained to the assistant that he chose "single" as his status.

“Her face quickly shifted. From curiosity, it turned into a tender but knowing look filled with empathy as she firmly declares, ‘Ay, married po kayo, sir.’ She slowly jots down on her iPad, gives me the kindest, most reassuring smile as she tells me, ‘Dito, married po ang ilalagay natin,’” Diaz recalled.

He then introduced his husband, and the assistant gave him a “big smile and greet[ed] him with so much warmth.”

“Her kindness filled me with both joy and guilt at the same time. Decades of fighting for one’s most basic right can make one weary at times, and instead of asserting my truth, I succumbed to laziness,” Diaz said.

He continued, “But this encounter has left me with a feeling of joy and hope. Every once in a while, we meet a kind ally who assures us that we are not alone in this fight, and who reminds us that PRIDE is not just a month-long celebration, but something that we should constantly and deliberately live by and live for."

Easy ways to become an LGBTQ+ ally

Learn about issues faced by the community

One of the most important things you could do to show your support to queer individuals is to become aware about the challenges they face that make them need allies in the first place.

“Learn about issues that are important to the LGBTQIA+ community by talking to people who identify as LGBTQIA+ or listening to podcasts to get a sense of what it’s like to live in their shoes,” Asis said.

“It’s also important to know the key differences between gender, sex, and sexuality when understanding the LGBTQIA+ experiences,” she added.

Respecting their preferred pronouns and names

While it may not seem like a big deal for some people, calling queer individuals with their preferred pronouns and names is an essential step in showing your respect and support for them.

According to Ampil, lived names are important as “they make LGBTQ+ folk know that they are no longer living the life that never matched with what they identify with.”

When we make the effort to call someone by their preferred name and pronouns, it also lets them know that we care about them as individuals and affirms who they are and their journey towards living authentically.

Be visible

As they say, “actions speak louder than words.” You can’t claim to stand with the rainbow community yet turn a blind eye to the discrimination they face, or refuse to attend events meant to empower them.

“Be visible and support the community. This means going to rallies and events, calling out homophobia, transphobia, or queerphobia wherever you see it, and supporting businesses, charities, or other initiatives owned or operated by LGBTQIA+ people,” Asis said.

They also need allies who will boldly defend them from discrimination. Diaz called to “constantly watch out for homophobic and transphobic remarks or behavior, and call them out in no uncertain terms.”

Never 'out' them

It cannot be stressed enough how you shouldn’t out queer people even if they are proud of their identities.

“They wouldn’t want to be treated based on their past identity. LGBTQ+ folks would want to be treated based on who they are right now. It’s never someone else’s story to tell.” Ampil explained.

Be more sensitive

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know more about the LGBTQ+ community, even if the topic appears sensitive, as long as your approach is respectful and the goal is to expand your understanding and become a more supportive ally.

Ampil encouraged asking questions respectfully as the community “will answer you truthfully as long as they feel safe and respected.”

He also stressed to “never assume” things about someone, as it may only perpetuate destructive beliefs.

Treat them like any other person

For Ampil, being an ally means treating queer people the same way you would treat anyone else—with respect, dignity, and kindness.

Every person, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation, deserves to feel safe and valued. The rainbow community isn’t asking for special treatment—they merely seek spaces where they can be accepted for who they are.

Patronize LGBTQ+ businesses

Supporting businesses run by queer entrepreneurs is another way to become a great ally, according to Diaz. Not only will it show other members of the community that it’s possible to succeed as an entrepreneur, but it can also help normalize queer visibility in everyday life, making the world a safer and more accepting place for people to express their identity.

Diaz especially highlighted the importance of patronizing small and freshly minted businesses to support and sustain their livelihood.

All in all, being an ally is not just a fun fad or a cool badge to brandish about—it’s a selfless expression of being a true empath.

“The most heartfelt and touching acts of genuine allyship are usually those that are done quietly and without any expectations of recognition,” Diaz said.