Holiday survival guide: How to make it through the season without stress
The reality is the holiday season, while filled with joy and excitement, can also be a source of stress and anxiety.
During this time, it's easy to get overwhelmed by the holiday hustle and personal challenges, leaving little room for our own feelings. And in effect, neglecting our emotions can lead to burnout.
“Common stressors and concerns for individuals include financial obligations, trauma with meeting certain individuals or family members, grief when missing loved ones, loneliness for people who are alone or isolated, family dynamics, and not achieving the goals they’ve set for the year,” Dr. Joan Mae Perez-Rifareal, Vice President of the Philippine Psychiatric Association, told PhilSTAR L!fe.
She added that strained relationships and the pressure to maintain a positive facade can take a toll on mental health. Coupled with the financial burden of gifts and parties, it’s no wonder many people find themselves feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
The trials of traditions
Every family creates different traditions over the years, and when families begin to change, those traditions can become a little more troublesome. Those changes could be anything from welcoming new members to adjusting to the loss of a loved one.
When families begin to look different, it may be time to assess whether particular traditions are continuing to work, but that means having honest, open conversations with everyone involved, and that can be tricky.
That’s why being realistic about what is important to hold on to, what we are willing to adjust or move so this better suits everybody and where we are this season.
Celebrating after loss
After the loss of a loved one, the holiday season can be particularly tough. Because every family is different, try to assess where everyone is and find the best way to move forward. For some, it may be naming that loss and filling the season with memories and recollections of moments. While this method may not work for everyone, it's important to find a coping strategy that suits your individual needs. Perhaps connecting with a family member who shares similar feelings could be helpful.
If you know someone who’s grieving, offering comfort can be challenging. Talking about the person they lost can be a helpful way to honor their memory. If you’re not sure what to say, it’s perfectly acceptable to simply offer your presence or to excuse yourself from the conversation.
Dealing with family dynamics
For many of us who grew up in the Philippines, saying no to elders is like adding oil to water. In a more familiar example, social gatherings can often lead to uncomfortable questions about relationships and family planning.
In general, the act of setting boundaries with loved ones can be tough for a variety of reasons. It sounds simple, but reminding yourself that people will survive if you, for example, politely turn down gestures that may make you feel uncomfortable, or calmly decline to engage in certain conversations at the dinner table, can help you get more comfortable drawing these lines.
Sometimes we want to address a difficult discussion with a relative or loved one. Though it might feel unnatural, articulate some ground rules before you begin.
Cristine, 31, an accountant shares, “Sometimes people are in a situation where they want approval from their family, whether it’s regarding their gender expression, religious beliefs, or even where they live. Rather than continually seeking approval from people who haven’t budged, I focus on building a life I love and am proud of. I don’t want to tolerate disrespect from anyone–family included.”
Overwhelmed?
Learning to change the way we relate to things that happen during the holidays and becoming more at ease with uncertainty can make a difference when we’re trying to cope with holiday stress. While this season is meant to bring feelings of love and cheer, Dr. Rifarael added that you need to set "realistic expectations."
"Make sure to have a strong support system, and don’t pressure yourself. Learn to set realistic expectations during the holiday season," she said.
See if any of the following tips from Dr. Rifarael might work for you.
- Reframe how you perceive holiday stress. View the challenge as an opportunity to grow.
- Approach the holiday season mindfully. It's necessary to set realistic expectations, focusing on what truly matters to you. Maybe use this time to appreciate all the blessings and challenges that shaped you this year.
- Have hobbies and outlets you can extend beyond the season. Keep yourself distracted. Having hobbies can help you become better equipped to handle the stresses.
- Prevent burnout—it’s okay to say no. Not keen on seeing a specific person at a gathering? No budget to celebrate? Just say no. Do not hesitate to take a break, set boundaries, or decline invitations.
The holidays are often a time when we focus on others, by sending cards, buying gifts, and cooking food. But during high-stress times, it is more important than ever to find time for yourself. If you know that the holidays are going to be overwhelming, plan accordingly and make sure you are carving out time for self-care.
