Living while grieving: How not to let loss hold us back from living our best life
How long does it take you to get over the loss of a loved one, whether it be a person or a pet? How do you live with the ache and grief? Do you sit with your feelings or distract yourself with work?
Healing is not a linear process, nor is one person’s way of grieving and recovering from it comparable to another person’s. We process grief differently but, yes, we probably feel grief the same way: like a pain in our chest that never goes away.
Love never dies, so grief never ends.
Post-pandemic, in the era of hybrid setups in work and school, it often feels like we're encouraged to "move on" quickly from loss. But there must be a way to grieve while moving at a faster pace and—sadly—staying productive so we could pay the bills, I thought.
Registered psychologist Leslie Lim-Carlos emphasizes that grief is a complex process that requires time, patience, and a willingness to engage with our emotions.
The body plays a significant role in how we experience and process grief. "Our bodies hold a lot of trauma," Lim-Carlos explains. "Stress, sadness, and grief can manifest physically, often in areas like the shoulders or back."
This is why she emphasizes the importance of connecting with our physical selves through movement.
A tool for emotional regulation
For Lim-Carlos, movement is a powerful tool for managing grief. "When we move, our brain releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects," she explains. "This can provide a sense of accomplishment and help counteract negative emotions."
While movement isn't a cure for grief, it helps in emotional regulation through the following:
- Endorphin release: Engaging in physical activity, even something as simple as brisk walking can trigger the release of endorphins, offering immediate relief from emotional distress;
- Focus and accomplishment: Movement provides a distraction and a sense of accomplishment, offering a temporary reprieve from the overwhelming nature of grief;
- Body awareness: Lim-Carlos highlights the importance of connecting with our bodies. "Somatic exercises, which focus on mindful movement and body awareness, can help us process emotions that may be difficult to verbalize."
She notes that some people find that physical activity can trigger emotional release, leading to tears or a deeper understanding of their grief.
Awareness and acceptance
Lim-Carlos also emphasizes the importance of awareness and acceptance in the healing process.
Becoming aware of our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is the first step towards understanding our grief. This involves paying attention to our physical sensations, our thoughts, and the emotions that arise.
Accepting our feelings—even the difficult ones—allows us to move forward in a healthy way. Acceptance doesn't mean we have to like or agree with our feelings, but at least acknowledge them without judgment.
Processing grief is essential for healing. Lim-Carlos encourages us to:
- Talk it out: Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, family, or a therapist can help us process our emotions and gain clarity;
- Write in a journal: Writing down our thoughts and feelings can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional release;
- Look for ways of creative expression: Expressing our grief through art, music, or writing can help us process our emotions in a way that words alone cannot.
Grief is a journey, not a destination.
"It's not about getting over it," Lim-Carlos says. "It's about learning to live with it and finding ways to honor the memory of those we've lost."
If you need professional support as you process grief, you may reach out to Leslie Lim-Carlos through MIND+. Call or message 0917-8015962.
