How to handle unsolicited advice and intrusive comments, especially from strangers
A quiet solo movie date turned into an uncomfortable encounter for content creator Gerald Domingo when a stranger beside him began making remarks about his sexual orientation.
In an interview with PhilSTAR L!fe, Domingo, who shared the interaction on Instagram, said he had gone to the cinema alone because he was bored and wanted to treat himself to a movie. He was the first person inside the theater, while the woman entered a few minutes later.
He initially thought the lady was friendly after she approached him and complimented his youthful appearance. They had a conversation until she asked him, “Ano ka? Lalaki ka?”—a question that was not captured in the video.
Domingo said his tone changed and his body language became tense as he already knew where the conversation was heading. He eventually began secretly recording their interaction as the woman continued to make remarks he described as condescending and homophobic.
“It felt very demeaning, disrespectful, and insulting,” he told L!fe. "I felt also weirded out by the fact that she’s religious but yet proceeds to her judgements of me."
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Domingo tried to continue the conversation, hoping the woman didn't mean any harm. At the same time, he felt compelled to speak up for himself and others in the LGBTQIA+ community who face similar treatment.
“The point is not really to change her belief but to get my point across, which is—there’s nothing wrong with loving a person of the same sex,” he said.
How to respond to unsolicited advice and intrusive comments
An advice can cross a line when it becomes an unwanted judgment about another person’s identity, relationships, appearance, or personal choices. Even when someone claims to have good intentions, their comments can make others feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Tracy Que, an etiquette expert, told L!fe that offering advice you didn't ask or making personal comments about someone you do not know can be unkind and inappropriate.
“Not knowing a person or their story gives us no right to judge them or tell them how to live their lives,” Que said. “At the end of the day, it all comes down to respect. Having good intentions does not automatically make our words appropriate or welcome.”
When confronted with questions or remarks, Que recommended keeping responses short and simple to avoid escalating the situation.
“Speak calmly but firmly, and lower your pitch slightly at the end of your sentences,” she said. "This helps you sound more confident rather than appearing unsure or as though you are asking permission to set a boundary."
One possible response is: “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not discuss my personal life.”
People can also ask, “May I ask why you’re interested in something so personal?” Que suggested. In a way, this may prompt the other person to consider whether their question was appropriate.
Another option is to remain silent. Que said a person does not have to respond to every comment made about them, especially if engaging could lead to an argument.
“You can be firm without being rude. There is no need to raise your voice or match the other person’s tone,” she said.
When to speak up and when to walk away
While standing up for yourself is valid, Que said people should consider whether speaking up would help resolve the situation or simply lead to an argument.
“If someone has crossed a personal boundary and you feel that speaking up is necessary, then by all means, do so,” she said. “However, if you sense that the person is only interested in arguing, provoking you, or forcing their beliefs on you, then perhaps it is better to disengage.”
If they won't stop, Que suggests calmly repeating your boundary. You could say, “I’ve already expressed that I’m not comfortable discussing this. Please respect that.”
You could also leave the conversation or seek help from security or someone nearby if you feel like the person is becoming aggressive and starting to make you feel unsafe.
Que also encouraged bystanders to support people experiencing unwanted comments by checking on them instead of confronting the person making the remarks.
For people who find it difficult to speak up, Que emphasized that they do not owe everyone an explanation about their personal lives or choices.
“You don’t have to be confrontational to be assertive,” she said. “And remember, choosing your battles is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes, knowing when to speak and when to remain silent is a sign of maturity, confidence, and good judgment.”
Knowing when to speak up and when to walk away can help people protect their boundaries without feeling obligated to justify their identity or personal choices to others.
For Domingo, he hopes that by sharing the video, it would help people recognize the discrimination LGBTQIA+ individuals continue to face, especially when others use religion to impose judgments on them.
“People like me experience discrimination in so many ways. We should stop imposing and smearing religion to people’s faces just to promote hate, judgement, and attack,” he said.
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