Why Gen Z can no longer afford their friendships
Every week, PhilSTAR L!fe explores issues and topics from the perspectives of different age groups, encouraging healthy but meaningful conversations on why they matter. This is Generations by our Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve found myself returning to my college campus more frequently than usual. Strolling along Katipunan should’ve stirred feelings of nostalgia in someone as sentimental as me, but I was immune. I like saying I’m happy to have graduated: that student life forever dims in comparison to adulthood.
But during my last visit, I stood corrected. I held back tears at the sight of a college barkada, clumsily walking arm in arm, chatting without a care who could hear them. I knew that once, the distinct comfort and convenience of seeing my friends every day.
Years ago, we went through life together: sitting in the same classes, complaining about the same professors. We’d share meals and clothes and secrets. Nowadays, seeing friends comes with a price. Literally. There’s always a new TikTok-famous restaurant we have to try, or a hobby we have to sign up for that requires expensive equipment or entrance fees. It’s no wonder that many Gen Zers are being priced out of their platonic relationships.
A recently commissioned survey by all-digital bank Ally Financial revealed that three out of five young adults admit social spending affects their financial goals. And yet, 69% still prioritize in-person connection with friends at least weekly. Around 24% say they worry about financial differences among their peers, and 22% have anxiety when they can’t afford a group activity.
It’s easy to dismiss this as a lack of personal responsibility, but let’s face it. Constant exposure to the capitalist hellscape can be so suffocating that only a debrief with the girls can save us. If we opt out of the function once, we feel the fear of missing out. Cancel enough times, and we may find ourselves unjustifiably kicked out of the group chat.
Content creator Chelsea Dy, who also has a background in finance, chucks this up to Gen Z’s “bleaker expectations of the future, perhaps from what they see in the current negative sentiment of the Philippines’ outlook.” It’s why we’re more predisposed to enjoy the ‘now’: “Parang deserve ko ito for surviving today!” she tells PhilSTAR L!fe.
However, as we progress at different rates during this specific life stage, it’s natural that some friends struggle to catch up. Dy acknowledges the knee-jerk tendency we might have to wonder: “Why can’t they just try a bit harder? We don’t even go out a lot. Can’t they save more for the benefit of the whole barkada?” And while we try our hardest to shrug off any differences, in the long run, finance and sales coach Yel Oropesa tells L!fe that “anyone will naturally be closer to those they hang out most often. This is where miscommunication occurs and affects Gen Z friendships the most.”
Market researcher Gabrielle (not her real name) felt this fresh out of college, surrounded by friends who routinely took her to expensive restaurants and events. “At the time, I was unemployed, while the other people in my group already had jobs or were funded by their parents. It made me quietly resentful because they never noticed that I was struggling. They never picked up on those things,” she shares with L!fe.
Meanwhile, content producer and creator Vera (not her real name) had a similar experience during the pandemic, after she landed an online teaching job that didn’t pay much. “As restrictions loosened up, it was expensive to have to travel just to see my friends because they wouldn’t adjust to me. It was then that I realized that we were only friends when we shared the same convenient spaces,” she says.
Though transparency seems like an obvious solution, it can’t be denied that money is and forever will be a touchy subject. “If we discuss money with our friends, it forces us to confront income gaps within the circle and automatically introduces a nuance of power imbalance in the group,” entrepreneur and finance content creator Trina Cerdenia explains to L!fe. What we earn is tied to how we view ourselves and where we stand in society: it makes sense that “we’re often not prepared for the level of honesty this conversation requires.”
While the experience is unsettling at best, initiating these conversations is the first step to a financially responsible friendship. We may be surprised to find out that others are facing similar struggles and were just too shy to say so! Nothing lessens the burden like sharing the load.
From there, we can start thinking of affordable bonding opportunities as a substitute. Gen Z is naturally hungry for experiences: a consequence of the social media age once again. But good company brings good times, regardless of where we are and what we’re doing.
“With the technology available to us right now, relationships shouldn’t have to depend on being there physically all the time. You should have more than one main source of bonding,” Oropesa says. Some suggestions for the frugal that are just as fun include “hanging out at a friend’s place and bringing takeout, watching a movie, or having a game night.”
This doesn’t mean, however, that we should deprive ourselves of all luxuries. One round of overpriced drinks (or three) is alright, as long as we factor it into the budget—something many of us fail to do. “You’ll be prone to financial imprudence if you’re not clear with yourself about what you’re building financially in the first place. Is it your emergency fund? Your early retirement nest? You have to look at what you consider to be ‘true wealth,’” Cerdenia says.
Real friends should understand and even respond warmly to the shift in our priorities. It’s part of growing up together, after all! But if what follows is gaslighting or guilt tripping, it may be time to swallow yet another bitter pill: certain relationships were built to fall apart.
“If there’s one thing being in a financial tight spot taught me, it’s that I want to keep people in my life not based on common interests or social circles, but because of the values we share and the attitudes we have towards money,” Gabrielle says.
Sure, this process of pruning may be painful. But in cases like this, it’s not our loss. If others’ companionship is contingent on how much we make, they aren’t the kind of people we’d want to keep around anyway.
Generations by Angel Martinez appears weekly at PhilSTAR L!fe.
