Forgiving heals your heart
In this season, when the sacrament of reconciliation is in focus, let us revisit how the act of forgiving actually heals your heart.
The notable hopkinsmedicine.org published an article on how your health depends on forgiveness. They claim that unresolved or long-held resentment may actually be affecting your physical health.
“The good news: Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age,” they said.
Dr. Karen Swartz, director of Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital, added: “There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. (Forgiveness) is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings, whether the person deserves it or not.”
When you let go of the negative (anger, resentment and hostility), you replace the void with empathy and compassion. A recent survey of the Fetzer Institute revealed that 62 percent of American adults said they need more forgiveness in their personal lives.
People who are more naturally forgiving are more satisfied with their lives. They are not burdened by depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who don’t bury the hatchet are more likely to fall into severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Swartz said, “You are choosing to offer compassion and empathy to the person who wronged you.”
Reflect and remember
Forgiveness is a choice and Dr. Swartz offered steps to develop a more forgiving attitude.
The first step is to reflect and remember by revisiting the event that prompted the anger and hurt. Then put yourself in the shoes of other people who wronged you and why they reacted the way they did. While forgiving due to religion will already bring benefits, the real health benefits, she said, come from the deep acceptance that nobody is perfect, which prompts forgiveness even if the other party never apologizes.
Another important step is to let go of expectations and conditions. You can not issue demands to right a wrong. Not even an apology. Not having expectations will free you from disappointment.
The crucial step is deciding to forgive. If you cannot talk to the person, Swartz suggested writing it in your journal or talking to somebody about it. This act of forgiveness is not only directed to the one who wronged you but also yourself. Forgive yourself.
The website of health.harvard.edu also highlights the power of forgiveness. “Forgiving a person who has wronged you is never easy, but dwelling on those events and reliving them over and over can fill your mind with negative thoughts and suppressed anger,” Dr. Tyler VanderWeele, co-director of the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, pointed out. “Yet, when you learn to forgive, you are no longer trapped by the past actions of others and can finally feel free.”
Decisional, emotional forgiveness
VanderWeele clarified the two types of forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness is a conscious choice to replace ill will with good will. “You no longer wish bad things to happen to that individual,” said Dr. VanderWeele. “This is often quicker and easier to accomplish.”
Emotional forgiveness involves dumping the negative feelings and no longer dwelling on the wrongdoing. “Emotional forgiveness is much harder and takes longer, as it’s common for those feelings to return on a regular basis,” said Dr. VanderWeele. “This often happens when you think about the offender, or something triggers the memory, or you still suffer from the adverse consequences of the action.”
Reach to forgive
Just like Swartz, Dr. VanderWeele offered a method to help people forgive. It’s called the REACH method. REACH means Recall, Emphasize, Altruistic gift, Commit, and Hold. Similar to the suggestion of Dr. Swartz, the first step is to recall the wrongdoing in an objective way by revisiting the situation. This is followed by empathizing or putting yourself in the shoes of the offender.
The third step is to acknowledge that forgiveness is an altruistic gift that you have received from others and you can give it to others also. This should be followed by the commitment to forgive. You have to then hold on to that forgiveness even when memories of the event recur. “Forgiveness is not erasure,” Dr. VanderWeele reminded the readers. “Rather, it’s about changing your reaction to those memories.”
When bad feelings recur, he prescribed reminding yourself of the commitment to forgive and the wish for good to happen to the offender, not something ill. That is why it is a good idea to write your forgiveness in a journal that you can revisit.
To cultivate a forgiving attitude, Dr VanderWeele recommended a daily practice of small acts of forgiveness. When someone cuts you off in a traffic jam, recognize the wrong, but realize it wasn’t personal and forgive him immediately. “This way, you also can learn to immediately stop the negative reaction and the feelings that come with it,” Dr. VanderWeele concluded.
