Does growing up mean outgrowing your friendships?
Every new year is often seen as a symbolic reset, catalyzing attempts to scrap past mistakes and construct a redefined self. In 2025, I vow to be braver in the face of adulthood, stepping out of my comfort zone and shaking hands with change.
The sitcoms I binge-watched over my college years, like Friends and How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM), portray idealized friendships, with characters sharing every facet of their lives with little interference from work or family. They constantly sip coffee at Central Perk or chug beers at MacLaren’s Pub.
I envy the characters’ closeness, hoping to have the same kind of connection with every person in my circle. Yet the show’s final episodes reveal that changes in their friendships will always accompany life’s transitions.
At some point, I had a friends-come-first mentality like HIMYM’s Lily. I’m reminded of the scene where she catches her friend Robin sneaking out early during a farewell party at her and her husband Marshall’s old apartment. Disappointed, Lily confronts Robin, saying that the whole gang has to be present in big moments like this. Robin's admission that she has outgrown their friend group is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s an unavoidable truth: it will never be how it was.
For my New Year’s resolution, I strive to channel Robin’s perspective for once: to accept changes, welcome new connections, and cherish memories instead of living in them.
Sometimes letting go and moving forward can be the most loving choice.
Growing pains
Each year brings its unique moments that make up who I am, from late nights grappling with schoolwork to debriefing with my girls after a long day of pretending to be adults. These moments include not just my successes but also my mistakes. I owe a part of my growth to those who have witnessed me during my trying days.
Of course, conflicts in a clique are normal and often resolved. But last year, I strained friendships that once felt unbreakable. I constantly beat myself up as I rewind the moments when I was in the wrong, especially when I hurt those I deem important. Once I enter that rabbit hole of self-loathing, it’s hard to climb back to reality.
Despite accountability and efforts to reconnect, some things are just beyond repair. While these changes taught me to adapt, I still long to rebuild these connections and have them return to what they were before. My phone still anticipates invites from my go-to friend to hang out over our favorite comfort meal. Group chats, filled with unhinged memes that encapsulate our hidden lore, remain dormant.
All this time, I thought I had friendships all figured out, especially since I managed to survive the previous years with the same people. But adulthood has a way of shifting perspectives. I now must learn to accept the inevitable transient nature of friendships and go on another year without the same people—friends with whom I shared secrets, who saw my potential and adored my idiosyncrasies.
I realize that the redemption I seek should not manipulate others to stay. I must rise above faults and conceive genuine self-reflection.
The art of letting go
Adulting also made me realize that some people become a part of our lives to teach us a lesson. Not to linger long, but to stay only for specific seasons and reasons.
The last season of How I Met Your Mother reveals that as we age, even the strongest friendships are bound to shift and eventually fade. While there are many valid reasons why friendships fade over time—family, career changes, mental health, among others—we frequently hold onto them, afraid to admit that their demise somehow invalidates the happy memories created.
It’s frustrating to remember and crave the mundane moments that I once took for granted, which now feel like treasures from another lifetime. Nonetheless, letting go equates to loving and growing, too. It's simply the natural ebb and flow of relationships, and sometimes moving forward and preserving memories can be the most loving choice.
Although New Year’s resolutions symbolize hope and renewal, true growth happens every day—in moments of self-awareness and self-love and in nurturing the parts of ourselves that are worth preserving.
Whether it means letting go of the past or mending bonds, the lessons I carry forward shape the person I’m becoming. And I hope I have imparted the same lesson to the people I once cried with and waved goodbye to along the way.
