Heatwave hacks from an andropausal man
Dan Brown once described Manila as the “gates of hell” in his novel, Inferno. With temperatures soaring to levels that would make even the devil sweat, one might argue that he wasn’t too far off the mark.
Before you go packing your bags and flying off to cooler places, try surviving this summer first. After all, despite record highs being breached regularly, we’ve managed to carry on and greet the storms and floods that always follow the dry season. Besides, traveling isn’t exactly for everyone.
Here are a few coping hacks I’ve mustered and employed (singly or in combo), especially in recent years where I’ve felt the heat as if El Niño had grown up to be El Hombre. As it turns out, these solutions merely reflect man’s basic needs, i.e., food, water, air, and shelter.
Eat and chill. We’re a tropical country teeming with fruits and vegetables. Take advantage of our natural resources by consuming watermelon, honeydew, citrus, and even avocados, as well as salad greens with cucumber, onion, and mint leaves. Coconuts, in particular, not only refresh but even replace essential electrolytes in our body. And if you haven’t tried young coconut meat (malauhog, in palengke speak) topped with a scoop of ube ice cream, you’re seriously missing out on one the best cooling snacks out there.
Millennials and younger generations have made milk tea and iced coffee a part of their daily fix. But while these may seem like thirst quenchers on first sip, they’re usually loaded with sugar, which will only make you thirstier, plus, the caffeine in tea and coffee is a diuretic (it’ll make you pee and, therefore, lose water).
If it’s sweetness you’re really after, just buy halo-halo from your friendly neighborhood vendor. The fruits are a bonus. At least, Korean entrepreneurs thought of bringing bingsoo and assorted ice cream to our shores. Pangtoa ice cream sandwiches, Samanco fish wafers with red beans, or Melona bars—who doesn’t know Melona?—are made for warm, humid days. Kamsahamnida! If you’re a bit low on cash, Mamang Sorbetero’s dirty ice cream will do just fine.
Hydration nation. Just as dragon fire couldn’t stop the Night King from advancing to Winterfell, a heatstroke is unlikely to occur if you keep yourself hydrated. When the sun decides to turn up the heat, it’s time to channel your inner camel and gorge on water. Just be aware of one of the oldest tragic ironies in life: We crave water when water is scarce.
As El Niño rages on, the waters in our dams keep dropping to alarming levels. We no longer need to exercise to work up a sweat. Instead, we drink, only to sweat more. It’s our body’s cooling mechanism at work, so load up on deodorant. Pro tip: Freeze your water bottle before leaving the house for an ice pack that doubles as a cool drink.
And let’s not forget the obvious: We’re an archipelago, so go out there and seek the ocean. Sunscreen and shades? Check. A road trip with the barkada? Check. A short flight with the family to world-class resorts and diving spots? Check. A visit to one of many rivers and waterfalls called “hidden gems”? Well, it’s not sea water but has the same cooling effect without the sand and sticky feel. Check.
Unless you want some microbes to swim with your lunch of obligatory barbecued pork, entrails, fish, and other seafood, please avoid drinking the sea water. River water’s not fine to drink either. You don’t know what everybody else is doing upstream.
Be an Airbender. Instead of using the Force like a Jedi, use the power of the air to cool off. I have a folding fan in my man-bag, one or two in the car, and a rechargeable fan at the office. Heck, I even have one in the toilet, which is useful after some time in the old reading room. I’m talking about portable breeze when air conditioning is absent or inadequate.
When Nelly starts singing that it’s Hot in Herre, it pays to be one of the cool kids. Forget fashion. In summertime, less is more when it comes to clothes, and comfort means sanity. Embrace your inner minimalist and opt for breathable, lightweight materials allowing maximum airflow.
Dressing less doesn’t necessarily mean beachwear. Cotton shirts are still your best option. Sporty types can go for dri fit tops (though I can’t for the life of me understand how runners and cyclists can enjoy what they’re doing in the summer). Now, swimmers, they got it right.
For a more formal look demanded in some workplaces or professions, that Barong Tagalog that used to be “for men only” is one of the best creations of our lolos and lolas. They’re light, cool, and porous—simply perfect for our tropical weather. But for heaven’s sake, guys, always wear an undershirt. Nothing shouts wardrobe malfunction louder than a sweaty dad bod peeking from a translucent barong as if it had just competed in a wet t-shirt contest.
Sweaty feet? Use foot powder so your socks don’t sop up all that sweat running down your legs. Better still, use flip-flops whenever you can. Whether it’s a Birkenstock, Sanuk, or Havaianas, or the humble Spartan tsinelas, flip-flops provide much-needed ventilation for your toes. (They can also double as a handy weapon against cockroaches that suddenly appear while you’re doing a number in the bathroom).
Take shelter. Remember that photo of a single tree that provided enough shade for an entire class of students? Well, unless you reside in one of those gated communities, it’s not always easy to find a shady tree. Staying indoors is a great idea only so long as inside is cooler than out. For homes with cooler interiors, it’s perfectly acceptable to hibernate indoors like a heat-sensitive hermit crab. If you have the time and money, stock up on ice-cold beverages, make that A/C inverter work for you, queue up your favorite Netflix series, and kick that cat out of your favorite sofa.
As you reach the third episode of The Silent Sea and find yourself unable to contain your heat-induced sleepiness—especially after a heavy lunch—give in. Siesta isn’t just a wicked tradition we picked up from our Spanish masters; it’s a survival strategy. Our minds and bodies work better when cool and rested, so a power nap tends to energize and make us more productive. Just don’t let your boss catch you snoozing beyond 1 p.m., even if you’re working from home.
One thing’s for sure: Staying cool is easy for us Pinoys. Apart from the citizens of mostly temperate countries, we’re one of the happiest people on the planet. And despite the intolerable aspects of Philippine society, we’re laid-back, laughing easily amid sweat stains and sticky skin, and letting no amount of heat dampen our sunny disposition.
Be cool, man.
