[OPINION] Stop infantilizing the elderly and help them remain independent adults instead
For about two years now, my wife and I have been reminding each other to follow Clint Eastwood’s advice every time we feel old, tired, or simply unmotivated to face the day’s routine.
We may be tired or sore or sense a heaviness for the day that’s coming up, but we remind ourselves that Clint Eastwood is a lot older and worn out, and he still gets out of bed and walks toward another day to work.
The advice, it turns out, has been the philosophy of the legendary actor/director Clint Eastwood since the late 50s, every time he is confronted by fatigue, signs of aging or an inclination to be cranky due to aches and pains from aging.
Eastwood’s advice has even been written into a song by the popular country music artist Toby Keith for a movie (The Mule) that Clint Eastwood starred in and directed. The advice and the song is: “Don’t Let The Old Man In.”
Just the other day, I had the chance to share this advice with a friend 10 years my senior who was being asked or told by his family to stop driving because of his age and their fear that he might cause an accident or get into an accident. Sadly, this is a common default of family members once their parent hits 70 or 80 years old. Suddenly, they are deemed to pose a danger to others or to themselves. So, the first thing that is restricted or stopped is driving a vehicle.
Half the time, the decision or request is based purely on age, but not a thorough examination by a physician and on the road assessment of a driving instructor or road safety expert. That is like being detained without committing a crime! So now, my friend has to look for a good, reliable, trustworthy, and prayerful driver, since my friend spends a lot of time going to church daily.
I know people who decided to send their yaya or caregiver to driving school so that they get two for the price of one. Even better if you send them to undergo a serious CPR course, and if you can afford it or need it, get an AED or automated external defibrillator.
So, strike one is no more driving. Strike two is being asked or told not to hit the green or play golf because all that walking may be strenuous and trigger a heart attack, etc. I could see the pain in his face as he told me this.
Most people I know have to find creative ways to achieve 7,000 to 10,000 steps a day. They even drive to parks, campuses, or malls just to meet the daily goal. You can get all that at the golf course, a basketball court, or a swimming pool! Never indoors watching Netflix.
When I heard that my friend was being asked to stop playing golf, I went livid. I had to point out that my friend may be 10 years older than I am, but he was visibly healthy, drives himself, and plays golf, and now, just because he will soon hit 80, people are “babying” him in the worst possible way.
“Don’t let them infantilize you!” “You are not a child, and they will end up killing you out of love.” Yes, we all love our parents and elderly family members, but treating them like babies, restricting their movements, or activities will cause more harm than help.
When he heard that, his disposition changed from somber to excited and affirmed. Yes, the family means well, but Philippine society is such that we love old folks to death by infantilizing them.
Even when older folks have no impairment or injury, we cradle or help them. We surround them with caregivers who do almost everything that they are perfectly capable of doing, to the point that they can’t even care for themselves.
We keep elders indoors, deprived of vitamin D, no fresh air, and we wonder how they got pneumonia?! The yayas practically do the thinking for them by anticipating their every need. They brush their hair, do their nails, put on slippers, etc., etc.
Other nationalities do the opposite. Older people continue performing tasks, fulfilling duties and roles, and mingle within their community or circle of friends. They walk to the grocery and back, join socials, and physically clean up around the house.
Yayas are unheard of, and the only time you get a caregiver would be when you end up at an assisted living facility because you have become senile, mentally unstable, or bedridden.
Instead of infantilizing or reverting elderly people to infancy, we need to help them remain independent adults, not dependent, senile old people. Help them toughen up, not go soft and weak. We spent six to seven decades becoming competent and capable adults. Please don’t baby us. It is not loving, it is disrespectful.
For as long as we can, let us think for ourselves, care for ourselves, and respect our independence for as long as possible.
“You often feel tired, not because you’ve done too much, but because you’ve done too little of what sparks a light in you.” – Alexander Den Heijer
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Editor's note: This article originally appeared in The Philippine STAR.
