Is cheating even that big of a deal?
Every week, PhilSTAR L!fe explores issues and topics from the perspectives of different age groups, encouraging healthy but meaningful conversations on why they matter. This is Generations by our Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez.
It’s a tale as old as time. Man meets woman, and they fall in love. Man meets another woman, or the other way around. They fall in love. Chaos ensues. Infidelity is as enduring as the institution of marriage itself, central to historical events such as the Trojan War and the making of the movie Wicked. What is new to this conversation, though, is this variant of vitriol I’ve observed in recent years.
We now treat cheating scandals with the severity of a global humanitarian crisis, demanding urgent action from all parties involved. Local netizens are mapping out timelines of the Maris Racal-Anthony Jennings issue, with a precision that puts private investigators to shame. Across the pond, Sabrina Carpenter fans are sending death threats and camping outside of Barry Keoghan’s family residence, after news of him cheating on the pop princess surfaced.
This borderline unhinged behavior begs the question: Did we always meddle this much in people’s affairs, or is it just easier than ever to produce, circulate, and act on evidence of infidelity today?
In some ways, the former is true. Cheating has long afflicted the nuclear family: Nearly one in five marriages around the world are affected at some point, with men more likely to be unfaithful than women. Local statistics are admittedly hard to come by because parameters differ from couple to couple. But the fact that the Family Code has it listed as grounds for legal separation, and titles like No Other Woman and My Husband’s Lover routinely break records is proof that it happens a lot.
It’s no surprise, then, that IRL scandals are especially salacious. Public figures are held to a certain moral standard we commoners exempt ourselves from. “Because they’re in the limelight, they’ve consented that their lives will be exposed to an audience. In a way, there’s a level of accountability wherein they expect that someone will call them out when they don’t behave,” Adrian Rigor, relationship expert and lecturer at Ateneo de Manila University, tells PhilSTAR L!fe.
We call ourselves 'girl’s girls' but will hop on any opportunity to dehumanize a woman who fails to meet our very narrow standards. We hate it when victims suffer in silence, more so when they choose to share screenshots.
This assertion of our moral superiority allows us to appear as better people in the eyes of our social circles. Of course, we have a very firm sense of right and wrong! So, we must punish those who don’t. Notice that online discourse has devolved into unproductive, unforgiving discussions: we can’t believe that someone who looks like he snuck his way onto Earth cheated on God’s gift to men as if conventional attractiveness is the only basis for respectability. We call ourselves “girl’s girls” but will hop on any opportunity to dehumanize a woman who fails to meet our very narrow standards. We hate it when victims suffer in silence, more so when they choose to share screenshots.
Never mind that all parties involved are real people dealing with real pain: our detachment allows us to view their situation as a spectacle, or source of schadenfreude. “We often perceive celebrities as God’s favorites, living the fantasy life we can only dream of. So in these instances, the rose-tinted glasses come off and we realize that even paradise comes with its own set of troubles,” relationship coach and radio show host Nikki Porter explains to L!fe.
Us members of Gen Z are particularly prone to this: our entitlement to the private details of public figures’ lives has empowered us to determine the course of their careers. “As the first digital natives, they’re mostly unafraid to get in front of the camera and share their insights, experiences, sleuthing skills, and meme-fied takes on an issue,” Porter says.
It’s one thing to believe that cheating is wrong, and another to consider it a crime that warrants someone’s personal and professional downfall.
Perhaps it’s this desire to hop on the bandwagon that makes us forget that a celebrity’s persona is often an amalgamation of what we project onto them, rather than a reflection of their actual attributes. Of course, the choice to unstan the unfaithful is still ours to make. After all, our idols are also stand-ins for our morals, beliefs, and values. But what disturbs me is how we are so willing to participate in witch hunts when we aren’t among those directly affected.
It’s one thing to believe that cheating is wrong, and another to consider it a crime that warrants someone’s personal and professional downfall. In our eyes, those guilty of infidelity must be canceled, no questions asked: stripped of all brand partnerships and business opportunities, then indefinitely forced out of the industry. Bonus points if their loved ones are also subject to humiliation and harassment. Everyone must pay! For what exactly, I’m not sure. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if this anger is rooted solely in disappointment in these public figures, or if it’s also informed by real-life experience.
In reality, as Rigor says, “In terms of what the commensurate or appropriate punishment for cheating is, it’s not up to us to decide. Sure, they may owe their supporters an apology for failing to live up to what was expected of them. But what a cheater does within the context of their relationship and how they make amends for what they’ve done is out of our control.”
Whether we admit it or not, celebrities have been known to rise above situations like this. Sometimes, all it takes is a well-crafted apology or a perfectly timed comeback movie to hit fans with a wave of selective amnesia. Others choose to ignore it altogether and trust in the swift passage of time—and it usually works. “Cheating is a behavior, not an accurate summation of one’s personhood,” Rigor explains. “If we immediately judge a cheater and label them as a bad person, there’s no room for growth and development in the conversation.” It seems to have done the trick for Gerald Anderson; even Daniel Padilla is gunning for a redemption arc. On a much larger scale, former President Estrada’s and Duterte’s philandering didn’t stop them from taking on the highest post in the country.
If anything, the anticlimactic aftermath of a typical cheating scandal is proof of how inconsequential they actually are. Our parasocial ties may trick us into believing otherwise, but at the end of the day, we really are just outsiders, peering into a relationship and piecing together the few facts we can make sense of. Meanwhile, there are matters of greater consequence to worry about and people who have committed far graver sins to our country. Maybe it’s time to redirect our attention accordingly.
Generations by Angel Martinez appears weekly at PhilSTAR L!fe.
