Dear Mom: Shari Poquiz on the highs and lows of being a mom influencer
With social media being a highlight reel of other people’s wins, it can be a challenge to be your authentic self. Digital creator and mommy influencer Shari Poquiz takes PhilSTAR L!fe through the triumphs and challenges of marrying at a young age, raising two kids, and rising above social media’s expectations.
‘Love is not enough’
I got married when I was 23. It was only a year after college and I was still working in corporate, and I had this idea in my head that I wouldn't get married until 40. I had goals I wanted to reach, I wanted to be a CEO and everything but then I got pregnant. We had this thought that we should get married because we wanted our child to be “legitimate,” as they say. There was no question that we were in love, but I can’t say I was ready.
My number one advice for anyone who’s young and in love would be that if you're ever in that stage and feel like you're not ready—don’t. We’re not living in the 1950s or in the olden times where you have to get married immediately. Just because you get pregnant doesn’t mean that you have to get married right away.
Still, I was 23 and had no business of getting married. Looking back, I had no idea of what I was getting into. Decisions like that shouldn’t be based on kilig, because love is not enough.
Even kids need internet consent
When I was starting out being an influencer, I actually didn’t want to be a mom blogger at all. I fully wanted to be in the beauty niche and to just share my beauty finds like makeup and skincare. But my content underwent an organic transition since being a mom became my personality as well. I wanted to share more of my motherhood journey.
When my kids were younger, I allowed them to freely join me on social media but now that they’re growing up at five and eight years old, I have to get their permission for online content. If we have a campaign and they’re gonna be involved, I have to ask them first before I take on any project. I don’t want to push them, or force them, or even make them feel like they have to do it. I want to take care of their mental and emotional health. If my kids don’t want to, then it’s off-limits.
I don’t want to push them, or force them, or even make them feel like they have to do it.
Even when they just take a photo of the kids, it actually involves a lot more other things and behind the scenes and I want to make sure they’re comfortable with their photos to be shown online.
In terms of their safety on social media, I monitor like a hawk.... I really monitor who they talk to, I think that’s important for parents to do rather than completely restrict being online.
The allure of the ‘internet mom’
So when you’re in the spotlight—even when you’re just in social media as yourself—there's a lot of eyes, mouths, and fingers that are ready to type and attack at any moment. There’s this pressure to look perfect and happy.
There was the point where I was going through the darkest moments of my life and I had to stop for a moment and think “Nako, how do I share this online? On Instagram?” I think the real challenge for me was being authentic, raw, real, and honest without crossing the line, airing your dirty laundry or complaining. That’s where the struggle lies.
I think when you’re on social media you always see everyone’s doing it so perfectly and like everyone has it to a T. But in reality, it’s really just trial and error and a lot of winging it. There are a lot of times when you won’t be able to get it right the first time, so learn how to take failure in stride.
Raising good citizens
I used to think being a mom was just: Well, I’ll give birth, have a few years of being sleepless, I’ll take care of the kids and make sure they grow up to be successful and done. Parenting, check.
But now, especially with what’s happening in the world with all the injustices, corruption, and discrimination, you really realize: what do all these people have in common? They have parents. Their beliefs begin at home.
So I could only hope that as a mom, I’d be able to mold my children into kind-hearted, empathetic, assertive, and responsible people who will care for others from all walks of life.
Don’t pour from an empty cup
I guess the number one thing for all moms to understand is that you don’t have to feel like you have to do it all.
There’s no such thing as a “balance” that you have to adhere to so don’t pressure yourself to manage everything on your plate and beat yourself up when you’re stressed. It’s okay to break down, it’s okay to be in the bathroom eating chocolate. Just one thing to knock your head on the wall because everything is just so, you feel like exploding.
I used to be uptight and felt like I’m not doing enough. But what is giving them everything when you’re completely absolutely drained? When you have nothing left for yourself and they see you miserable? So let’s step back a bit, breathe, and learn how to choose our battles.
I firmly believe that a happy mom is the best mom. So leave some from yourself because you cannot pour from an empty cup.