The obsessions that save us

I was about 14 when I first got into bands — pop and punk rock bands specifically, during an era when emo was at its peak. Needless to say, I was also in a very sensitive state, dealing with problems that came with puberty coupled with existential issues that follow me to this day. One thing that made it all easier was my unfiltered obsession with music, along with the community and fandom intricacies that came with it.

Looking back, that fixation saved me from truly dark times. It was consuming, both in a literal and figurative sense, but it made me, and the things around me, feel better. Sure, it was escapism to an extent but having concerts to look forward to and meeting new friends while experiencing music in unimaginable ways felt deeply moving.

I had a thing that connected me to other people and it gave me goals and ideas on what I wanted to be like. It was the thing that distracted me and got me through. Obsessions work by having an interest constantly permeate our minds, and while too much is never good, it can also fill us with joy and solace in surprisingly helpful ways.

Young STAR asked people about the obsessions that saved them — the joy of their discovery, the comfort it brought, and the ways it made them better.

Kat, 25, marketing coordinator

I've been thinking about it and I realized that I don't have literally just one solid obsession that “saved me.” Every now and then I hop onto a new fixation and I devote a lot of time to watch, learn, read or listen to whichever fixation/obsession that was, and that just sorta kinda keeps me going. But I guess if I were to think about the most recent thing, I would say it's video games.

I got to reconnect with so many old friends thanks to them, while also meeting new ones while the pandemic has been going on (which, trust me, hasn’t been the best for my mental health, haha). So even though I was pretty much stuck at home hearing bad news, logging on to a game or talking to new/old friends about a game we're all collectively playing gave me enough energy to power through.

Shin, 25, artist

Being stifled due to the pandemic made me explore the process of art further. I got into my craft and got involved within the art community more, just being with like-minded people who share the same energy like artists Brisa Amir, Tanya Sativa, Bad Student, Paolo Crodua, Jeg Gregorio and Jonathan Olarte. The local culture made me feel more open and accepted, which saved me from the uncertainties that the pandemic brought upon us.

Camz, 25, teacher

I'll have to say it's K-Pop or Korean music. I got into it during college, which I consider the most formative years of my life. Some of my college and online friends were already huge fans of K-Pop and I kind of just got sucked into it after watching a few music videos of EXO. Then after that, I discovered more groups and artists who now hold a special place in my heart (hello, Epik High!).

It made my life more fun because I found new hobbies like learning a new language, getting into writing more, and drawing. I was able to improve so much in making art because I wanted to make the best fanart for my favorite ship/pairing. Also, I found longtime friends that shared the same love for these artists. 

One significant memory I have of being a Korean music fan was when I was going through a very hard time after graduating from college and getting my first teaching job. I cried every night and was consistently having depressive episodes. I remember listening to Epik High's songs: Home is Far Away, Sleepless and In Seoul. Not only did this obsession save me but also the whole experience helped me make a better version of myself.

Robyn, 24, designer

‘Yung last obsession ko talaga was the video game Stardew Valley. It’s a simulation game where you inherit an old farm in a rural area and you get to live a new life in the town there. I played it a lot starting fourth-year college until I started working. It really helped me relax after stressful days because the game’s vibe is very calming and joyful. Also, the mechanics are very simple and you can accomplish tasks easily, so I got a sense of fulfillment from finishing things kahit konting effort lang ‘yung ilagay ko. I still play it occasionally kahit naka ilang taon na since I started on it.

Donnabelle, 25, account manager

I got obsessed with re-watching Grey’s Anatomy. Being stressed at work and life, not knowing what kind of stress I’d be in the next day, rewatching a series made me feel... safe, somehow. Because I already know what will happen and it feels good knowing the events leading to a tragic scene and watching how they get back up on their feet and move on with their lives. For months I wasn’t able to start a new show or even a movie because of the stress WFH brought (+ shitty bosses lol) but every time I have 30 minutes to spare, I watch Grey’s.

Francine, 25, nurse

I am almost too familiar with my relationships with hyper-fixation — the longest one to date is with pop stars and rock stars. My earliest memory of it was with five-year-old me locked in my room every single day after school singing and dancing along to Britney Spears during her “Crazy 2k Tour” concert in Waikiki Beach, Hawaii.

I went through a lot of phases since then and I thought I grew out of it in 2015 after One Direction announced their hiatus, but fast forward to 2018, I got curious about K-Pop and fell into its sinkhole. That was entirely new to me, real hard and fast. 

The past year leading up to that point was my lowest yet and discovering music about my experiences as an adult, the home that I know, and simply songs I can share with my best friends became my solace and helped me power through. 

Almost nearing three years, I’ve been here. I learned more about different cultures, I started to pick up a foreign language, and I found new friends and rekindled with old ones.

And if 25-year-old me locked in my room every single day singing and dancing along to Long Flight by Taeyong is getting the same kind of happiness I did two decades ago, then that’s more than enough for me to be grateful for the safe space I created somewhere that was once unfamiliar.