Who takes care of the caregiver? How an app is helping Filipinos prioritize themselves
In many Filipino families, there is always someone who naturally steps up to keep the family anchored during challenging times. Driven by deep love and responsibility, they put their loved ones’ needs first. Yet, caring for a family member is a journey best shared—because even the dependable person needs a supportive network to lean on.
It was just this October that artist Nii lost her father Arturo to esophageal cancer at 76 years old. He had been diagnosed with the disease in July, and it didn’t take long for his health to decline rapidly.
“I didn't expect that it would be that quick. I think while you were in it, you felt like time was so slow, but now when I look back, maikli lang pala siya,” she told PhilSTAR L!fe during the launch of the new caregiving companion app kalin.
Nii, 47, quit her corporate job in February, allowing her to be present when her father needed extra care. As his needs grew rapidly over the weeks, she adapted day by day.
“From July to August, when we brought him back home, medyo naghahati pa kami ng mga kapatid ko. But noong September na, ako na lang talaga. During that month, he caught pneumonia, and from then on, it was like a downhill from there,” she said.
“Mas naging demanding na kasi nagkaroon na siya ng delirium that time. Hindi na ako lumalabas ng kwarto. During feeding, he would forget na he's connected to the tubes, kailangan bantayan mo siya kasi bigla na lang siyang tatayo,” she added.
For Nii, navigating this uncharted territory highlighted how vital it is for families to have access to guidance and resources early on.
“If [you're] lucky to actually talk to some friends who are willing to listen, that’s very, very important. If you're lucky with family as well, that you can share your emotion, your feelings with your family, that's very, very important,” she added.
Navigating unexpected roles
Marj Ostani may be the youngest of four siblings, but she embraced the role of primary caregiver for her 64-year-old father after he developed a heart condition two years ago.
Before taking on this responsibility, Ostani had spent more than five years abroad, building a life as a writer. When she returned to the Philippines, she did not expect to find herself in the middle of a family medical emergency.
“I had to stop work because ‘yun ‘yung season na it was bad. The routine was giving all the maintenance throughout the day, monitoring the entire day, going to all the hospitals, appointments, and calling doctors,” she recalled.
Things became a lot smoother by the second year, but even with friends cheering her on from the sidelines, she admitted that caregiving remains “such an isolating experience.”
“Most of the time, what I need is some sort of sense of normalcy. And so when I hear, ‘You can do this, it's okay,’ that doesn't really work for me. I think that's one of the hardest parts of being a caregiver—feeling out of place, feeling isolated,” Ostani lamented.
While adjusting to this new chapter required stepping back from her overseas career, Marj focused on building routines that keep her grounded and connected.
“I go for a walk. I try my best to move kasi when I have those days, they're so easy for me to not mobilize and just sink into my bed and depression and all that. So I try to move,” she shared. “Because I'm a writer, reading and writing helps me a lot. So having that part of my routine really helps with just my mental and emotional health.”
“I have to make sure that I have those little pockets for me, for my social circle, for my friends so I still feel like a full person,” she emphasized.
A caregiver needs care, too
Larisse Janine Lava also experienced what it’s like to be a caregiver for her mother Judith, who passed away in February at the age of 74 after a two-year battle with stage four lung cancer. According to her, her mother did not undergo chemotherapy. Instead, Lava took it upon herself to research other treatment options, eventually sending her mother’s tissue samples to the United States to see if she qualified for targeted therapy.
"Kaya lang sobrang mahal ng gamot. Parang P3,000 per pill, tapos every day niya ‘yun kailangang inumin. Every three months, kailangan niya magpa-scan. Tapos maliban doon, marami pa siyang ibang gamot,” she said.
“‘Yung pinakamahirap talaga was nung in pain siya. Merong isang Pasko, naghanap kami ng husband ko ng morphine kasi nasasaktan siya and kailangan namin i-manage ‘yung pain niya. So we lost her because nag-progress na ‘yung lung cancer niya,” she lamented.
Lava's personal experience of caring for her mother inspired her to create kalin, a care companion app that helps families organize and coordinate the many responsibilities that come with looking after a loved one.
The app brings together tools for managing care plans and tasks, tracking medications and appointments, recording updates and expenses, and keeping family members involved in the caregiving process. It also aims to support caregivers themselves by connecting them with resources and support throughout their journey.
“Let's say may sibling ka na nasa Australia, nasa Dubai, wala sila dito and they want to see kung ano ‘yung nangyayari din sa patient, they can access it from there,” Lava explained. “If you're doing recovery, treatment, therapy or end-of-life care, comfort care, pwede mong i-set up doon. Expenses can also be tracked directly so very practical ways of caregiving.”
She continued, “More importantly, ‘yung caregiver wellness is there. We have ‘yung care concierge. If you want someone to speak to you, you can book a session with a non-medical peer support representative of kalin and then this person will hear you out and then we follow yung triaging system ni Department of Health. So if we identify na may crisis, we will point you to a psychologist.”
Lava emphasizes that a caregiver's mental health must never be overlooked.
“‘Yung mga inaasahan sa family, they’re one step away from a crisis. Very exhausting and stressful ang caregiving. Kasi physically, drained ka, emotionally, nahirapan ka kasi iniisip mo, gusto mo alagaan ‘yung mahal mo sa buhay. Financially, drained ka din kasi magastos siya,” she said.
“Even after matapos yung caregiving, ‘yung impact na sa katawan mo, it stays there. So very important that they prioritize ‘yung self-care and ‘yung well-being,” she stressed, noting that one way to do this is through movement and creative expression.
At the end of the day, despite the hardships they faced, Nii and Ostani remain committed to caring for their loved ones, finding purpose in being there for the people who matter most to them.
"Family is the core. As a Filipino, it's very, very important, 'di ba? Tayo, pinaprioritize natin ang family. I think I wasn't known to prioritize family so ngayon ako bumabawi," Nii said.
On the other hand, Ostani was motivated to stay strong after experiencing what it's like to lose a loved one for the first time with her deceased grandmother.
"That was the closest death that I've really experienced. I think throughout my journey on death and griefs, it really changes you. The only way that I can connect and remember my grandma is if I continue to live," she said. "Someon's death has become my purpose to continue because that's the only way I can remember them. And so I try my best to do that for my parents, besides the fact that they're my parents and I love them."
kalin is available to download on Apple and Android devices.
For families caring for someone with cancer, understanding the disease is also part of the journey. Learn more about How to detect cancer early and help prevent it.