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'I'm done with casual sex—I want a relationship'

By BṺM TENORIO JR., The Philippine STAR Published Jul 31, 2022 8:03 pm

Each week, PhilSTAR L!fe addresses a reader's concern about relationships, career, and anything they want to talk about through its advice column: Asking for a Friend.

Dear L!fe friend,

Hi, I'm a 28-year-old girl who is so done with casual sex. For the past year, I've been pretending I'm still into it with my f--k buddy because I want to brush off the truth that I'm done being just that—I want to be in a relationship with him.

We're like best friends. I feel safe, comfortable, and genuine when I'm with him. I'm ready to commit and I want something serious—but only with him. I've tried seeing other people but he's the one I want to be with. I'm just afraid we might not be on the same page. What do I do?

—Smitten f--k buddy

Dear Smitten f--k buddy,

Congratulations—you’re on the right path! Let’s begin with that.

Then we continue by coupling your desire to change with concrete steps.

I always say that friends with benefits are not really friends. Why venture into being f—k buddies when there’s an opportunity to be real lovers? The operative word is “opportunity.” The easy access to sex with each other is not an opportunity. The never-yet-tried access to venturing into a relationship is the opportunity you hope for.

But the desire to turn away from your old ways and turn a new leaf is a good start to woe the opportunity. Here are some suggested steps to embrace new beginnings:

  1. Make an agreement with yourself that you will not venture into casual sex anymore with him. It’s a decision. Dapat ayaw mo na talaga dahil mas gusto mo na ang relasyon. Seryosong relasyon.
  2. It will help if you can have yourself checked. Clean slate. Good restart. You do this not only for a budding affair with your buddy but for a budding affair with yourself. It will help to know that you are safe. There’s peace of mind in knowing that you are safe.
  3. Pour out yourself with this guy that you don’t want casual sex anymore. But be ready with his answer. Prepare yourself psychologically.
  4. If he agrees with you, then you both prepare yourselves to bring the relationship to another level.
  5. If he does not agree with the purity of your intention of a real relationship, don’t fret. The best part is you want to start anew.
  6. Don’t be a backslider. The right man will come along. It’s not an empty promise. Meanwhile, enjoy every moment of a changed woman that you will become.

Your L!fe friend,


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