When the pandemic hit the country, many of us single people began to fear two things: one of course is the virus and the other is not finding a love life, aka ending up #foreveralone.
I, for one, have been asking myself, “Will I ever meet ‘the one’ for me when everyone is at home?"
Anxious and confused, I would even go as far as thinking, “Would both of us even make it out alive from this pandemic?”
Binge-watching kilig rom-coms and K-dramas on Netflix can help put our minds at ease. At the same time, they can get us saying, “Sana all” with a sigh.
But all hope is not lost, fellow single peeps!
In a Facebook Live discussion last May 1, certified professional relationship coach and guidance counselor Aileen Santos shared ways to form connections with people during quarantine.
According to her, many single people fall short of forming a bond with another person because of fear, which she broke down into four parts:
“F” is for “focusing on the negative.” This happens when you ask yourself questions, “What if the person is already taken?” or “What if they reject me?" even before making the first move.
“E” is for expectations that the person you’re trying to build a connection with would respond to your messages or, sooner or later, give you the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.
“A”, meanwhile, stands for assumptions that “this person would never go for me or this person would not be interested in me.”
While “R” is for the rejection that you might be imposing on yourself.
If you find yourself guilty of these doubts, here is Coach Aileen’s tips that would help you gain the confidence to reach out.
Tip #1: Practice a curious mindset
A curious mindset prevents you from having expectations for the person you’re attracted to. It is about conditioning yourself to connect with someone simply because “I want to learn from this person,” said Coach Aileen. “You are not expecting a relationship, you are not expecting a response, you are just reaching out.”
She expounded, “The truth is whether we are in quarantine or not, if you’re really curious about people and interested in knowing people, you will find ways. And it will naturally happen. There’s something that you’ll be doing no matter the situation.”
Tip #2: Converse as if you’re playing badminton
When connecting with other people, it is important that you make an effort to keep the conversation going. Coach Aileen defines it as “conversation badminton.”
“You do not [put] the load of carrying the conversation on the other person. You have to do your share,” she explained. “So you said ‘hi’ and the other person said ‘hi,’ you have to do something else. Serve them something else that you can use so they can continue the conversation with you.”
If that sounds challenging, the relationship coach provides an easy way to do it: “For example, you are looking at this person’s profile and you see that they love Anime and you see that just recently, this person watched this Netflix series Finding Neverland. Then, you can make a comment on that post and you can start a conversation. If they respond, then you respond as well.”
The key, she said, is to keep it “fun and light” by starting the conversation out in the open—where you’re not invading their “personal space.”
She continued, "You do not go into their [Messenger] and do it there. You do it on a public conversation, under their post, especially if you’re not close yet. Don’t be creepy. Do not go into their personal space yet, especially if you’re not a personal friend. So you’re just being curious, you’re just reaching out and that keeps it light.”
Tip #3: Be intentional
Coach Aileen recommends setting a schedule every day for connecting with new people “so you don’t fixate on waiting for people to connect with you.”
These new people can simply be the Facebook friends of your own buds.
She expounded, “I recommend setting a one-hour schedule looking at a friend’s list—the friends you are really in good terms with. Because friends of friends, they most likely have something in common with you.”
“Look at what they're into, if they look interesting, then reach out, leave a comment… Just schedule an hour a day. Make it intentional and make it part of what you do. I mean, you’re going to scroll through social media anyway while in quarantine,” she added.
Aside from that, being intentional takes away the fear that stops us from being shy or chickening out.
“If you make these three things a habit and a part of who you are, you do not have to force yourself. And have fun doing it. When you make it intentional, it becomes something that you are not afraid of. It just becomes a part of what you do and who you are,” Coach Aileen concluded.
Banner image and article thumbnail from Shutterstock.