EXPLAINER: What's a living funeral and how do you plan one?
Ate Gay is making the rounds online after holding a living funeral amid her battle with cancer.
The comedian recently gathered her nearest and dearest for the event in Laguna, where they delivered eulogies to celebrate her life and the memories they've shared together.
The intimate ceremony brought attention to the concept of a living funeral. Curious about what it is? Here's what you need to know.
What's a living funeral and who usually holds one?
Carlos Miguel Locsin, sales and marketing head of Forest Lake Memorial Parks, told PhilSTAR L!fe that a living funeral "is a personal celebration held during someone’s lifetime, bringing together the people important to them to share stories, express appreciation, and create meaningful memories—with the person being celebrated present to hear, respond, and participate."
"It's similar to honoring a loved one through different ways," added Jonathan Vitangcol, the President and Chief Executive Officer of St. Peter Life Plan. These include "giving gifts, performing a song, giving flowers, and most especially offering very warm and kind words."
What makes it meaningful, per Locsin, is that appreciation goes both ways. "Family and friends can say what the person means to them, while that person also has the opportunity to express gratitude."
According to him, some people consider having a living funeral after a serious illness or a life-changing experience, while others may simply want to gather the people important to them and express appreciation while they can share the moment together.
"A particular age or diagnosis would not be the defining requirement," he added. "The starting point is the person’s own wishes: Would they find the gathering meaningful? Are they comfortable receiving messages and sharing their own? What kind of atmosphere would feel right for them?"
Talking about grief and death can be quite uncomfortable, but as discussed in PhilSTAR L!fe's 25th Generations podcast episode that you can watch in full below, these are the conversations that can help us better understand loss, support those who are grieving, and make our wishes known while we still can. After all, we don't have to wait until someone is gone to show them how much they mean to us.
How to plan a living funeral
A living funeral can take place during a loved one's birthday or milestone, and "at a location where it is best or most memorable to him or her," Vitangcol told L!fe. Both Locsin and Vitangcol said it's not necessary to hold it in a memorial chapel.
Looking to have a living funeral for a loved one? The first thing you should do, according to Locsin, is ask for their consent. "It should be planned with their knowledge and agreement. Individual messages or guest appearances can be surprises, but the person should be comfortable with the nature of the celebration."
Once they’ve given their consent, you can start planning the gathering. Here's a simple step-by-step guide from Locsin to help you get started.
1. Know what your loved one wants to experience
Think of what you want your loved one to experience and get out of the event. Include the people they would want to be there, and what they are comfortable sharing.
2. Agree on the guests, budget, and arrangements
Decide how many people to invite and what services your loved one would need. Make it a point that everyone agrees on the arrangements and budget.
"Memorial chapels tailor the arrangements to the person's wishes, family's needs, and their budget. The cost depends on the memorial chapel selected, the number of guests, the duration, and the services they would like us to coordinate," said Locsin.
Note, however, that not all memorial chapels offer living funeral services.
3. Prepare the setting
Your chosen venue should be a "space for reflection and connection, where words often reserved for a funeral can be shared with the person present to hear and respond."
"A memorial chapel usually personalizes the setting to feel warm and welcoming, considering accessibility, seating, and comfort," he shared.
4. Develop a program around their life
Collect meaningful stories, photographs, video messages, music, and any personal elements they would want to be part of the event. Make sure to guide the program with warmth and sensitivity.
"There is no expectation to make it solemn or elaborate. It could be an intimate conversation over a meal or a larger gathering with music, stories, and laughter," Locsin said.
5. Preserve the memories according to their wishes
Decide on photography, recording, and privacy preferences, including whether any material may be shared publicly.
"The purpose is to create a space where people can express love, hear what they mean to one another, and make meaningful memories together. That is the heart of a living funeral," Locsin told L!fe.
"I personally believe that every life deserves to be celebrated with love and dignity," Vitangcol added. "And while we are all here in this temporary world, every day will always be an opportunity to give love, show love, and share love with all the people that matter to us."