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Three beauty queens’ guide to dating

By BEA TRINIDAD, The Philippine STAR Published May 19, 2021 5:00 am

Over 70 of the most beautiful women put their heels on for the 69th Miss Universe last Monday morning. I haven’t worn a pair of heels for a dinner date in more than a year, unlike them. Many women are also just as nervous about dating again.

The thought of post-pandemic dating is nerve-racking. I’m not even sure I’d know how to walk in heels again. If that wasn’t enough to worry about, there’s this anxiety toward meeting people outside dating apps and going beyond Zoom dates. A recent New York Times article claims that the hottest pickup line is “I’m vaccinated!” Safe to say that the pandemic has changed the way we date.

I recently spoke to Pia Wurtzbach, Carla Lizardo, and Bianca Guidotti-Santos, former beauty queens who now host a Spotify original podcast, “Between Us Queens.” We talked about modern love, dating, and long-term relationships. And it turns out, love problems are universal.

They’ve been rejected, broken up with, and experienced heartbreak more than we think. These challenges have made them comfortable in their own skin, sharing the lessons they’ve learned along the way for women to learn from.

Every relationship starts with a swimsuit portion

Bianca, who recently married long-time boyfriend Greggy Santos, said, “We all know that we get attracted physically first, but then the second step is always the mental and the personality.”

Bianca Guidotti and Greggy Santos

Carla and Pia added desirable qualities that single people can work on: a commanding presence, confidence, a pleasing smile, conversation skills, and independence.

One underrated quality is kindness. Pia advised, “To observe is one of the most important things you can do at the beginning of the relationship.” Take a look at how the person you’re dating treats strangers, family, and friends.

In post-pandemic dating, the key is not to overthink. Your actions, intention and the way you present yourself are the only things you can control.

How about if the attraction is not equal between two people? Pia suggested, “Sometimes women have to just take two steps back.” Slow it down. So the other can move forward.

In post-pandemic dating, the key is not to overthink. Your actions, intention and the way you present yourself are the only things you can control.

Don’t overlook the Q&A

Like in the question and answer (Q&A) portion of Miss Universe, thoughtful questions and conversations reveal a lot about two people’s compatibility in the long run. Building a friendship becomes the priority.

Carla shared, “When things get hard, we always fall back on that friendship.” But how does one make a friendship? “Have that one thing that bonds you together,” Bianca suggested.

Carla Lizardo and Jutt Sulit

Pia also added that there has to be radical honesty: “A lot of my issues I was keeping in an unhealthy way. And then he (Jeremy) was able to see all of that and then help me through that.”

Past the initial spark, open communication strengthens any relationship; as Carla said, “You can talk to that person. You can communicate your concerns and that person acknowledges it and makes a conscious effort.”

Choose a work-it-out mindset over a soulmate mindset

Romcoms and Disney princesses have conditioned us to think that we will find “the one.” This idealism is the “soulmate” mindset, as coined by Renae Franiuk, a psychologist. Instead of believing that we will find our soulmates, we need to put the work in our relationships and ourselves.

Pia Wurtzbach and Jeremy Jauncey

Pia said that she has always been looking for the same person, but today, she is a different person because of the self-work: “I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. There were some things that were wrong with me. I was insecure. I came from a broken family. And I had trust issues. That’s why I also say that I’m really happy that Jeremy (Jauncey) met me now, this version, rather than the Pia that was five years ago.”

Whether single or virtually dating, shift to a “work-it-out” mindset. We often think that head over heels means “out of control in love” with someone. But I’d like to think otherwise. “Head over heels” can instead mean that we think twice before we put our heels on. And when we finally do get the courage to strut, don’t worry about tripping. As Pia said, “To find happiness and love, make mistakes.”

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You can listen to “Between Us Queens” and “Thirsty & Thirty” on Spotify or anywhere podcasts are available.