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Five voices we’d like to hear on Waze to save us from traffic boredom

By ALAHNA SY Published Dec 16, 2019 6:00 am

For someone who is profoundly terrible with directions, Waze is a godsend. I don’t even drive a car (buying a car, in this economy?) but I’ve dealt with enough exasperated drivers without navigation apps and experienced way too many mini-panic attacks when the jeep turns into an unfamiliar street to know that it’s indispensable. Especially in my Probinsyana-in-Manila Starter Pack.

And unlike in the province, navigating Metro Manila would require the patience of a thousand saints. There’s really no other way to put it: this is a hellscape. But, okay, with the recent addition of Mimiyuhhh’s voice on the Waze app, maybe driving (or taking a Grab or taxi) can be a little bit bearable, and you can just skrrt your way through traffic.

We compiled a list of other Waze voices that might be fun to have on the app and help us outsmart traffic. When you’re spending so much time on the road, you might as well have some kind of entertaining company.

Rufa ‘Waze’ Quinto

Come on, you probably saw this one coming. The actress even uploaded a Waze audition video and gave us a hint of how it would be like if she were the navigator. Maybe EDSA wouldn’t be so bad with her iconic Go, go go! and Todo na ‘to! on speakers. At this point tbh, we’re just waiting for the link..

Sexbomb Girls

You’ve probably heard of the Boy Band Waze voice. I admit it was entertaining hearing someone sing about having to turn left. But it got cringeworthy pretty fast. Imagine though, if it’s the Sexbomb Girls cheering you on the road to the tune of their iconic songs. In 200 meters, turn right and get, get, aww! Even the most dull car ride would have you pumped up. Ayyyy, si kuya, na-traffic! 

Kris Aquino

Let’s be real — almost everyone has been requesting Kris Aquino. And with her guiding you on Waze, it’s like having your conyo tita help you with directions. Now you won’t feel so alone during your drive at night. Plus, you get the occasional backhanded compliments too: Yey, nag-left turn ka! See, you know naman pala eh! Love it!

Bretman Rock

If you need to get hyped up especially on early morning or late night drives, Bretman Rock on your Waze might do better than double espresso shots. Just expect that you’re gonna get called a lot of names, so you better roll those windows up if you don’t want strangers shooting you judgmental glares. But ultimately, you get to arrive to your destination wide awake and fully reminded that you are a bad bitch who just survived the Metro Manila traffic.

Hasan Minhaj

Okay, not a local celebrity but super worth mentioning. With Hasan on Waze, every ride will start with an overly enthusiastic Hello! Thank you so much, oh my god! How are you? Let’s get into it! And if that’s not enough to get you sitting straight on the driver’s seat, just wait ‘til he tells you that you’ll be stuck in traffic for about 30 minutes… followed by a political deep-dive into the current transportation system of the Philippines a la Patriot Act. I don’t mind getting stuck in traffic while listening to him make fun of our government’s clownery, to be honest.